I should be writing...

I'm leaving to visit my folks in Alabama on the 23rd and I'm not even at the halfway mark of my novel. I should be writing... I should be spending all my free time on it. But I know I'm over thinking it... exactly what you're NOT supposed to do for the NaNoWriMo. You're just supposed to WRITE!!!

I have to consider that fact that when I'm in Alabama, I will be with family at least most of the time if not all the time. And seriously... am I really going to sneak off to work on my erotic novel while visiting my ultra-conservative Southern Baptist parents?? Yeah, probably not so much.

Crumpet has his own blog!

You should totally check out my subbie's blog:

Confessions of a Buttered Crumpet
http://crumpetconfessions.blogspot.com/

So buttery good!

For my birthday...

When Crumpet came over for my birthday on Saturday, he left 2 notes on my night-stand. One was sealed & the other was not. I opened the unsealed one and it read:

Nov 7th 2009

Hello.

My name is Kim and I know you are a very good person in need of a hardworking housekeeper and maid. I am very good cleaner and I work for very little and do everything you say me to do. I not grumble or complain like other people and I know you will be very happy with me.

I do not make much sound and I not speak English too good but I can listen and understand a little and will know what to say and want me to do.

I had worked in other places and all the people were caring and lovely and I made their home look tidy and smell good and they said they were happy that I was their house maid and did not want me to go away.

I will work with a smile and be very happy no matter how much chores you give to me. So if you want me to be your maid you will not regret it.

Your servant.

Kim.

The sealed envelope had a reference for "Kim". Her previous employer treated her with a stern hand and would punish her severely for the slightest transgressions doing things like spanking, humiliating and embarrassing her. When there was no more use for her, she would be kept tightly bound and blindfolded in a closet. She would not speak unless spoken to, was not allowed to make eye contact, was only allowed to sit on the floor, had to wear her maid outfit at all times and she had to obey every command.

Tuesday night, I hope to have a trial run with Kim and see if she's everything she's been built up to. I already have the chores & punishments in mind. I'm so excited!!

An Excerpt from "Sugar Daddy"

Daddy’s Games

“We are going to play a game,” he informs me of this as I sleepily yawned my way into the living room. “Or rather, a few games.”

Flopping down on the couch, I lazily petted the puppy-boy who had put his head in my lap. “What kind of games?”

There was a wicked gleam in Daddy's eyes. “Fun games. Do you want to play?”

I considered this. On the one hand, I trust him. I know my Daddy won’t do anything to truly endanger me. On the other hand, I know him. He’s a sadistic fuck who likes to torture and tease me. But I also know that if I refuse, I’ll get punished for that. While he believes in giving his subs choices, I also know he rigs the choices so he’s gonna get what he wants no matter what you choose. Take puppy-boy for example. He expressed a desire never to have children once and Daddy found a way to get him “neutered”. I wondered if that was what he was going to do to me. I wouldn’t mind it since I’m already in my thirties and I have no plans to ever have kids. But I hate surgery! Although, if Daddy made me do it, I wouldn’t hate it quite so much and…

“Charlie! Make up your mind. I have not got all day; Daddy has work to do. If you do not want to play, then you can go sit in your corner for the rest of the day.”

I bit my lower lip to hold back the tears. I hated sitting in the corner! “But Daddy, I don’t know what kind of game it is. What if I don’t like it?”

He tapped his knee and I went over and sat on his lap. Holding me to him he whispered, “If my little girl does not like it, we will only play it this once. Okay?” I nodded. He kissed the top of my head. “Besides, you should trust your Daddy.” I nodded again.

Gently setting me onto my feet, he led me by my hand into the kitchen where he had me sit at the breakfast table. There was a piece of paper in front of me, another one at his place and a box of crayons between us.

“Are we drawing?”

Daddy shook his head, then reconsidered and shrugged. “You can, but mostly we are writing.”

I drew a little smiley face at the top left corner of my sheet. “What’re we writing?”

“You are going to write down your safeword. I am going to write down a new safeword. Then we’re going to fold the papers as small as we can get them.”

I quickly wrote “banana-split” and began folding. I was done folding mine before Daddy was. “Do I win?”

He grinned and shook his head. “No sweetheart, this is just the set up for the games, not one of the games.” He held out his hand and I put my paper in it, curious about what he was going to do with it. He cupped his hands over each other with the two squares of paper in between and shook them. Then taking one in one fist and the other in the other, he held his knuckles out to me. “Pick one.”

I lightly tapped his left hand. He opened it to reveal my folded sheet. I took it. “Now what?” I was becoming a bit impatient. I wanted to know what this game was.

“Come with me.” He led me back into the living room where there was a fire in the hearth. The maid had obviously started it while we were in the kitchen. My breathing became shallow, my eyes wide and the hand that held my safeword was shaking. Daddy squatted in front of me, tenderly holding the hand that had nothing in it. “I can see you have guessed the next step. Do not worry, honey. You can still use Red, Yellow and Green during scenes.” I nodded, swallowing to fight back the tears that threatened. “I am not taking away your end all safeword.” He held up his square. “I am merely changing it.” His large thumb rubbed the back of my hand. “ You do trust your Daddy, do you not?”

I nodded several times. “Yes Daddy. I’m just scared.”

“I know, but it will be fine.”

He stood up and walked me the rest of the way to the fireplace. I glanced over at puppy-boy, but he was busy playing with a ball. I glanced up at the gagged maid. She shrugged then cast her gaze to the ground.

“Toss it in.” Daddy’s words were a command I had to obey. He held back the screen. I tossed the paper with “banana-split” and my little smiley face on it into the fire. It burned fast.

“So do I get to see the new one, Daddy?”

“Not yet.” He brushed his palms against each other. “Now we are going to play hide and seek. I am certain you have played this before, yes?” I nodded. “The difference with my game is that what you will be seeking is your new safeword and you only have a limited amount of time to find it.” I nodded a bit more hesitantly. “Then we play my favorite game.” He got a dreamy wistful look on his face. Shaking it off, he said, “but we are not to that yet. First, come here.” He took the scarf I had in my hair and put it over my eyes, tying it tightly behind my head. With his hands on my shoulder, he turned me around and walked me over to what I quickly surmised was my corner. “Now count to one hundred out loud.”

As I counted, I tried to listen to where Daddy was moving, but I quickly figured out that he was no longer in the room. “One hundred!” I pulled my blindfold off and flipped around, almost smacking right in to Daddy’s chest. He laughed heartily.

“Now we set the timer.” He walked into the kitchen and set the oven timer for sixty minutes. “You have an hour to find the safeword. It is somewhere in the house but it is not in Daddy’s room, Daddy’s study where he will be working or in any of the servant’s rooms. Once you have found it or the timer goes off, which ever happens first, you will come into Daddy’s study to receive your reward for finding it or your punishment for not finding it. Three rules: (1) Anything you move must be moved back to where it belongs. (2) NOBODY, not even puppy, is allowed to help you. If you ask someone, they will tell me and you will be immediately punished for that. If I find out that someone helped you and did not tell me, both of you will be punished most severely. (3) If you go into any of the places that I told you the paper is not, other than my study when you are done, you will be punished. And I will know, do not think I will not find out. Do you understand?”

“Yes Daddy.”

He kissed my forehead. “Good girl.” Turning on the timer, he patted my ass. “Now go! The clock is ticking.” He strolled off to his study as I frantically began my search.

I just couldn't resist!!

Who told Mattel about my novel?

Novel Started!

So this is going to be a really short post. I started my novel. My main character, Charlie, has just met her Sugar Daddy to be and they don't quite know what to make of each other. She's intrigued by him but not interested in him in that way... yet. So far it's told from her point of view so I'm not quite sure what he makes of her. Even if it's not in the novel, I'm going to write out his take on her and I'll post it here.

It's a strong start. I'm so excited! :D

Happy Samhain!

In celebration of this auspicious time of the year, I've signed up to do NaNoWriMo in November. I'm hoping it'll kick my booty to get Sugar Daddy done much earlier than the deadline I set up for myself. I'll be posting regularly on Mondays & Fridays so you'll get to see how it's going.

And also, a fan created a Face Book fan page for Crumbs in my Cleavage! How cool is that??? It's titled: Crumbs in My Clëavagë

Writing? WRITING!! For I is serious Writer!

My dear loyal readers,

Three things...

First:
I had a dream the other night about a woman who was trapped by the fulfillment of her own fantasies. While there were erotic elements to the dream, there were horrific features as well. The dream lead to thinking which led to jotting down the idea which led to more ideas and more thinking and more jotting down and eventually I had an outline for a novel staring back up at me. I don't normally outline, but then again, I rarely finish my novels. So, perhaps, this will be the beginning of embarking on projects I actually finish. (Oh how excellent that would be!!)
The novel's working title is Sugar Daddy. So far, it's very fitting and a bit deceptive while still being dead-on.

Second:
I am also working on putting together my erotic memoir(s?). I've been writing bits and pieces of it here but currently, it has no focus. I had originally planned to call it Crumbs in my Cleavage after this blog, but the blog has taken on a life of its own and I feel that if I use that title again, it'll be for something else. The title that's currently pulling at me is, Why Not?, since that tends to be my attitude. Now I don't know the publishing world's stance on titling after an attitude, but... well, why not? ;)

Third:
For my own sanity, I'll be moving my posting days to Mondays & Fridays. I do hope to exploit my larger writings by giving glimpses of my work here. This will help me stay on task with each of these projects. Also, if it just so happens to garner your interest, that would be lovely too!
For the novel, I'm going to give it a deadline of April for the first draft since I think it will need several revisions & I would LOVE to publish it before next Samhain/Halloween.
For the memoir, I'm giving myself until the beginning of next October, just under a year. My reasoning is that even though I've got a lot of writing to draw from, I still don't feel as focused or certain about the form I want this project to take.
Starting in November, I will be sending out my erotic short story fiction as well as stand alone shorter clips of memoir material for publication.

I will, of course, post updates on my progress. I do sooooo much better when I'm accountable to someone(s) other than myself.

Thank you for reading!
Ninian

Musings about my Dungeon

I have a dungeon in my basement. In said dungeon is a single bed with metal postings, a St. Andrews Cross my friend the FryGuy built for me, chains hanging from the ceiling, a cage, the alter of filth and an exercise bike. I also have rubber floggers, a rope flogger, paddles, spoons, cuffs, rulers, bondage tape and some fun costumes. I have a closet I would like to fix up so that I could lock someone in it & they would only be able to watch the fun going on in the other part of the dungeon. I have a trunk of fun toys in my bedroom that I'd love to move down to the dungeon.

I want to fix up my dungeon. I’ve been waffling back and forth for years about becoming a professional Dominatrix & renting out the dungeon space. I'm still not certain that I've decided 100%, but I am much closer than I've ever been.

The pros:
1. Money for me, money for the Artist (as she is my landlady)
2. Doing what I love
3. I could make my own schedule

The cons:
1. It’ll take some money & time to fix it up & get underway
2. Another drain on my time
3. Strangers coming in and out of the house

I would like to be able to divide it into separate rooms for different scenes. The issue there is I have limited space. I also want to make it an all vegan dungeon. So far, that’s not been as hard as I feared it would be. I also want to do it as cheaply as possible. I believe I’ll be able to enlist the assistance of Crumpet & the Artist & maybe even Raven as he wants to take pictures in my dungeon.

Here is the list of what I need to do:
1. Make a business plan including a budget
2. Decide what rooms I want in my dungeon
3. List the issues -- i.e. we have some flooding, limited space, etc.
4. Make a floor plan
5. Purchase / scavenge supplies

I have a LOT of work ahead of me!

Service

Crumpet came over last night, bought me pizza and did the dishes. Not just the dishes we used but emptied the dishwasher and did all the dishes in the sink. He's a good Crumpet.

The thing I have to be careful of is not letting his service be just work. He's not really turned on by just being a service sub. He actually does a lot of the cleaning at his house if there's not something to make his work special, he may resent it.

With a short little black skirt that had Vs for edges, he spun around and it flared prettily, I had him take off his top to do the dishes. The Artist and I cuddled on the couch in the living room making comments.

“Oh, I hope he leans over again!”
“That is a nice butt, isn’t it?”
“Nice gams!”
“Oooh! I especially like it when he stands on his tiptoes.”
“We should have more things on the higher shelf, shouldn’t we?”
“Most definitely!”
“It’s too bad that skirt isn’t just a bit shorter.”
“I was just thinking that!”

We’re silly.

When he came back in the room, it was apparent that our ogling had the proper affect. The front of his skirt was raised quite nicely. Just for giggles, I had him hang his sweatshirt off of it. It stayed! The Artist and I busted out laughing.

Reality... TV?

Okay, I admit it. I watch some reality TV.

It's like junk food... I know it's bad for me, but it just tastes sooooo good! I rarely give it my full attention, kinda like the way I'm usually doing other things while eating junk food. But then, every once in a while, there will be a particularly tasty morsel and I wish I could eat it all the time. I wish it was healthy for me 'cause it's just so damn good! I try to convince myself that eating it will be good for me in some way. I don't buy my bullshit, but I so wish I could.

This is how I feel about watching one particular participant on a really bad reality dating show.

I know, I know... she's not even the main focus of the show. I don't care. For me, it's HER show. And yes... she's not the brightest bulb in the pack , but she's funny & cute & sexy &... well, I'll admit, I want to do naughty things to her. It's odd because I've never been one to have crushes on the famous or the pseudo-famous. But I have quite the crush on that sweet, sweet woman.

My fantasies involve tying her up, pulling her hair, playing with her amazing bosom, spanking her plush ass and licking her all over. They also include her reading me bedtime stories (she has a rich husky voice), holding her hands and looking into her eyes. They do not include deep conversation or listening to her philosophies on... well, anything. It's a shallow lustful crush with moments of tenderness. Well, tenderness with a very D/s sort of twist.

Cross dressing party

Crumpet, when he's wearing skirts, goes commando. He sent me an e-mail asking of I think he should be panty-less as Chlamydia. I like this. It draws a line between his two personas. Crumpet is modest and shy. Chlamydia, however, is a bit of a rebel and a tart.

For his birthday, Crumpet dressed as the naughty schoolgirl Chlamydia - he had a red wig on and everything! The party his wife & I threw for him was a cross dressing party. I dressed up as Charlie. We wanted to have fun and for him to be surrounded by others dressed as the other gender. That was the idea.

Unfortunately, a lot of the invitees couldn't make it &, of those who did, only two others were cross dressed. His wife dressed as Prince Valiant and another friend, Raven, had on a fantastically colorful dress and long white wig. There was a mix up with the cake (as in, there wasn't one) so I came up with the brilliant plan to go to the store and get a cake. Prince Valiant stayed with the rest of the guests as Chlamydia, Raven & I went to the store. We were in costume and received many odd stares. A few boys burst out laughing and ribbed each other saying, "hey, isn't that your sister?" We got the cake and joked with a few other store patrons. It was great fun!

The thing that I found interesting about this venture is how a bit of Chlamydia's rebellious personality coming out. It wasn't quite as expressive as it's become in the emails he's sent me, but there was a glimmer. And for him to show it in public was quite delightful.

Chlamydia (part 2)

Ms. Maphia

The first time I met Cindy was on her birthday. She stormed into the Front Office demanding to see the principle. Since the door to my office was open, I was witness.

“Where is the principle? I DEMAND to see him!” She slammed her fist on the counter and leaned over it staring hard at Eunice, the receptionist.

Understandable flustered, Eunice avoided eye contact, shuffled papers, stood up, sat back down, then stood up again. Her voice came out sniveling. “Now look here, missy, that attitude is inappropriate!” She actually looked at Cindy as her voice raised in pitch as well as volume. “First of all, the principle is a she, not a he. And s-second of all, she’s currently out of the office. So you are just going to have to…”

Cindy leaned over the counter, nose to nose with Eunice, and whispered, “If you say settle down, I will punch you in your glasses so they shatter and slice your eye.”

Eunice fell back into her seat.

“Good. Now tell me, who do I speak with since that jack-ass health teacher sent me here for giggling?”

“That’d be me.” I didn’t look up from the file I had pulled out of the stack on my desk and merely motioned with my fingers for her to come into my office. Still pretending to read the folder in front of me, I listened as she stomped in and plopped herself onto the cushy chair opposite mine. Tapping the desk between us with a pen, I went back to reading about her expulsions, failing grades, smoking and drinking in the girls’ lavatories and locker rooms, other possible criminal (though never proven) activity on and off school property, etc, etc, etc… Yep, pretty standard for the girls who end up here. She just seemed to have a lot more spunk. There was also a note about her being caught on adult websites while using school computers.

Still not looking up, I said, “Cindy, close the door.”

She shuffled in her seat. “No, you can close it your own damn self. I don’t have to obey you!”

I slammed her file shut and looked her directly in the eye. Without raising my voice, I cocked an eyebrow. “Of course you don’t have to. But you will, Chlamydia9.”

She gasped at this, hopped up and slammed the door shut. “How did you…?”

“I have my sources.” I stood up. “Now sit down.” She did. I walked slowly to her, my favorite wooden ruler in my hand, and sat on the edge of the desk. I crossed my ankles and tapped the ruler lightly against my palm. “From reading your file, I see that just about every disciplinary measure has been tried except for one big one. Do you know what that is, Cindy?”

“Jail.” She stated it as a fact. She’d obviously been told that's where she was heading and had come to accept it.

I slowly shook my head. “Oh no, not yet, honey. There’s one more thing we can try before we give up and put you away.” I smacked my hand hard with the ruler, still holding her eyes with my own. “Corporal Punishment.”

Her eyes widened as she jumped from the seat and rushed to the door. She frantically twisted the handle, but nothing happened. I waited for her to wear herself out. She turned, panting.

“Why can’t I open it?”

“Because it only unlocks from the inside with a key.” I smiled.

Chlamydia (part 1)

No, not the disease.

This is the name Crumpet has chosen for his schoolgirl persona. Chlamydia is 18 years old, often naughty and in need of discipline. When we play, which we're slowly getting into, I am Ms. Maphia. She's based on my forth grade teacher who just so happened to be a belly dancer and on whom I had a schoolgirl crush.

I've started writing a bit of fiction about Chlamydia & Ms. Maphia... and here's the rather rough start of it. Enjoy!

I saw the word Chlamydia written on a bathroom wall. I thought it was the most beautiful word. It was so much prettier than Cindy. I was 12. How was I to know what the word meant? And on a bathroom wall, they don't give definitions... the context was confusing. "[smeared name] has Chlamydia to share!" I thought it was an adult drink.

That was the year we got our first PC. Chlamydia9 became my secret, away from my parents, screen name and e-mail addy. In any chat room I went into, I received lots of attention. When I was Chlamedia9, I had no fear. By the time I was 16, I knew what chlamydia was and, after the initial shock, I thought it was hilarious. I had five internet boyfriends and my Chlamydia persona started seeping into my real life.

I started smoking, drinking and hanging out with the 'bad kids'. After my second expulsion, my parents sent me to Catholic school. I was 17 going on 18 and they feared I'd be arrested if I didn't straighten up. It was on my birthday when I first heard chlamydia spoken out loud in my 'abstinence only' health class. The teacher was not in the least bit amused when I burst out laughing. I got detention and was immediately sent to the Principle's office. That was the day I met Ms. Maphia... that was the day my life changed forever.

Sex Toy Party

Saturday, Crumpet and I went to a sex toy party. Crumpet was wearing a skirt, he's becoming more and more comfortable out of pants, and he looked super cute. I was dressed rather gypsy-esque in my luchadora boots and silvery bell earings. The witchies, who were hosting the party, laid out quite a spread of food. I thought we were going to be late, but the woman running the event got held up in traffic and was an hour and a half late. But with good food, good drinks and fun conversation, we only noticed her tardiness because we were waiting. (That and the fact that Crumpet & I had to take off early.)

I'll confess, for the most part I wasn't terribly impressed by what was for sale. The presentation was good and conversational, but the products were mostly hetero-normative and vanilla. They did have a strap-on in the catalog, a double ended dildo & a few items that gave a nod to BDSM. But overall, the items weren't terribly exciting. (Though the "Tongue Tied" red vibrator that looked like Freddy Kruger's nose & tongue was a bit disturbing.)

There was one FANTASTIC moment. The woman who was running the event held up the black satin mask & ties from the itty-bitty bondagey part of the catalogue. She was explaining how to add a bit of kinky excitement when she looked right at me and said, "You're looking at me like I have seven heads." I'd actually been zoning out 'cause, yawn, bondage lite! I started to protest, but then she said, "you're not looking at me like most folks who are freaked out by this. No. That's a 'been there, done that' look, right?" I smirked still trying to figure out how she knew this.
And that's when I realized that I was massaging Crumpet's head rather possessively & that my body language, leaning back in the chair with my legs splayed, was a dead give away. I had to laugh!

Consistancy

I've been busy, distracted, had computer problems & haven't posted since... JULY!!! For shame, Ninian, for shame. If I had a Dom, I'd TOTALLY deserve punishing for this!

Well, my faithful followers (if you're still there), Fall is a season of transitions & I plan to transition into a more consistent blogger & writer. I will begin with a post today (this one doesn't count) and give myself a deadline of midnight. So postings will be on Tuesdays & Thursdays before midnight. There are a lot of things I have for you, my dear readers, and hope to make it worth your wait!

Vegan Flogger!!

This past week the Artist was off tattooing in West Virginia for La Garou's CampOUT. I was sad not to go with her this year. But I couldn't take too much time off from the new-ish job and I was lacking funds. Hopefully, I'll be able to go next year. She had a good time & came back with a plethora of stories and a GIFT!!!

Sometimes, if you have something she wants, she'll barter. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, she gets some cool swag. And often, because she's the BEST Hetero-Lifemate a girl could ever hope to have, she'll barter for something for me. (That's how I ended up with the lovely St. Andrews Cross the FryGuy made.)

This time... ROPE FLOGGERS!! She got one for herself and one for me. She knows I'm trying to build an all vegan dungeon & is helping me make it amazing. I tried it on myself and wow... It has a nice thuddy feel to it. I'm so giddy I squeed!

It's pretty too!

Tomorrow, I might just have to try it out on some hapless... er, lucky victim! I wonder who I'll get to volunteer?

Some thoughts...

A friend of mine fears that she has no standing in the BDSM community. She's had some criticism and it's made her question whether she belongs in the lifestyle. This got me to thinking and, as often happens with me, my comment on her blog got a little long so I decided it needed its own post. ;)

What anyone does in their own personal life should always be that: their OWN personal life. No one can dictate, no matter how much they think they know better than you, who you are or even what label(s) you claim. If your entire kink is to say that you're a slave without doing anything slave-like and your partner is cool with it, then so be it.

Negotiate the rules & stick to your boundaries. I'm not into any verbal humiliation, giving or receiving. However, I've known those who claim that verbal humiliation is imperative. For me to hook-up with someone like that would take quite a bit of give and take. If they want to verbally humiliate me, that's a no go but I'd be more flexible if I was doling out the verbal humiliation. It's not my kink, but it wouldn't upset me like being verbally humiliated. If you know for a fact that beatings make you angry or just plain hurt without any pleasure, then they'd be on your "do not" list. If you like bondage, cute outfits & sexually pleasuring your partner, those are on your "yes please!" list. Never fear to renegotiate. Of course, that should NEVER occur during a scene, but afterwards, when you've both cooled down, take a moment and talk things through. In fact, it’s not a bad idea to always take some time to talk between scenes. Each lover, each scene, is unique. Yes it's play, but it's also learning the other person.

All relationships thrive on good communication. Poly & kink relationships are no different. They absolutely NEED strong communication. Does that mean everyone's going to automatically agree? No. But at least you'll know where the other person(s) coming from, what they want & what they will not tolerate.

One of the reasons I don't play in public is that I have no desire to be criticized by strangers or even those I know who are not involved in the scene. I run my scenes my way and not by committee unless it’s the committee of me and my sub. (or Dom, depending on who I’m with.)

As far as living the life 24/7, I don't. While someone may come along who'll change my mind on this, it would take some convincing.

Bad Mistress...

Crumpet is a good sub... most of the time. When we were shopping, he carried all my purchases as we wandered through the store. He even stayed a few steps behind me. But when we were heading to the store he said I was a bad Mistress. Apparently when he said he didn't want to go to the store in his panties, stockings and the garter belt he just bought, he really wanted me to make him.

It's true... I have been taking things a bit slow with Crumpet since he's new to the D/s lifestyle. And okay, I'll admit it, I've also been a bit lazy with his training. When I said something about wanting a massage, he said he wasn't very good at them. Instead of just saying, "fine, whatever," I should have insisted he try and given him direction & critique or punished him for not doing what I wanted.

Part of it is that I'm enjoying just hanging out with him, getting to know him and loving him. I like the relative ease our relationship has. We even have official date nights: Wednesdays & Saturdays. This adds a certain level of commitment and allows me to schedule things better. We're getting closer, understanding each other better and the sex is amazing. I know that pushing the D/s element too far & too fast could bring on unwanted complications. I'm fine with taking things slow. But if he's feeling like I'm not doing a good job, then perhaps I should step things up a notch.

Another part is that I'm just so damn tired after work. But that's not a good excuse... not even much of a reason.

I had a sub who called me a "Sensual Mistress" and, while he meant it as a compliment, there's also a negative side to it. I am constantly thinking of what would be sensually pleasing for both myself and my sub and not thinking enough about the ways a sub could benefit my life. While it would be nice to have a sub that anticipates my needs & wants as any good sub should, I have to remember that Crumpet's still new and I have to train him. I feel that we're definitely at a place where he trusts me enough to train him to my desires as his Mistress.

So what is an appropriate punishment for a sub who tells you that you're a bad Dom? I have some ideas of what I'm going to do to him on Wednesday, but I'm definitely open to suggestions. ;)

Drumming & Dreaming

On summer solstice, Crumpet & I went to a drum circle at Pixie's lovely house. The house has high ceilings and a large living room to play in. A group of drummers gathered, bringing dishes for potluck and we drummed. There were all sorts of drums as well as other percussive instruments. The rhythms were varied and unique with starts and stops and sliding from one beat to the next. The swell of the vibrations got me all tingly. (Even though I happen to know that several in attendance were, shall we say, sensual beings, I did nothing about my rising libido since there are children in the group.)

Once Crumpet and I were back at his place and the kids were tucked away in their beds, we're quickly naked, attacking each other with mouth and hands. I mounted him and rode him to ecstasy. I cum over and over again, pulling at his nipples as if they were reigns. It's rare that I let go entirely of my concern for my lovers pleasure. But that night, it was all about me. I put his hands back onto my breasts when they dropped off, directing him to pinch, squeeze and caress as it enhanced each orgasm.

That night my dream was of a different sort of drum circle. Not all in attendance were drumming; some were the drums. Each body part made a unique sound; each beating brought on a variety of vocalizations from the human drums. Some of the drums were bound with ropes that would have to be tightened or loosened depending on the sound desired. One woman was tied up with fishing line over gauze bearing a million little bells. A man, suspended from the ceiling, had a cowbell hanging from his balls. The music we made with this human drum circle was amazingly lovely.