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Sunday, February 24, 2008

Overwhelmed & Thoughtful

I had a scene with a Dom today. I've never played with a Dom before... many switches and a few subs, but never a Dom. While there were some great aspects of what we did, there was a point at which we hit my sub limit.

I can't say what exactly did it, but I had a sudden urge to throw him through the wall. It wasn't that he did anything wrong, I was just overwhelmed by a sense of incredible violence... the dominant side of me HATED this whole idea of submitting.

After everything was over, we talked. He said if we had taped the scene, he would have been able to point to the moment in which my switch was flipped. This amused me.
The fact that he was willing to talk about it and was very understanding made it comfortable for me to explore what I was feeling. He was understanding (though somewhat disappointed) that I didn't feel like it would work between us.

But I must say, it was all very interesting...

I learned that I might be WAY more dominant than submissive on the Kinsey Scale of Kink.

I also learned that I DO NOT like Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation (TENS) - OWWWW! I mean seriously, OW! Not ow like, "oooh ow, mmmmm, that's fun!" like the amazing beating I got that's left some fabulous bruises on my ass, but OW like... "nonononononono!!" I endured it to see if it would get better. It did not. It felt like the thinest needles being shoved through my nipples... kind of like getting tattooed except without the soothing vibration and it felt as if it was going much, much deeper. And my NIPPLES!!!! Yeah, so not gonna happen again.
He was going down on me at the same time. That was confusing because my upper half was in pain while my lower half was super turned on. Then he told me to, "come for Daddy." I said I didn't think I could. But then I realized that if I cum, he'd remove the clips. So I focused on the good feelings and ignored the pain and, and... then it was over.

I actually used my safeword. I've never done that before. That was when he put the TENS to a higher setting. That felt like knives stabbing. (Yeah, ow!)

The thing that got to me the most was that the entire time, my mind kept wandering to the Philosopher & the Photographer. I didn't feel guilty, like I was doing anything wrong, but I felt like I wanted to be with them and not anyone else. Maybe doing something like this so early into our new relationship was too soon. I'm just so smitten with my bgoifriend that they're the only people I want to be involved with right now.

Polyfidelity perhaps? Mmmm, must give this more thought...


Sheathen said...

OWIE! I keep thinking about it and OWIE! Nipples!
Also, with you on the sort of polyfidelitous thing and the dom-fuck-this-submission crap thing.
All of which you know.
I may not have mentioned this, but I have mad respect for you kink/sexual adventuring ways.

jajentzen said...

Perhaps your switchyness does lean more towards the Dom side. Reading your wrestling post seems to suggest you like that as a strong possibility. Me, I identify as Dom because I want to be in control ninety-nine percent of the time. But I have my switchy moments and there are things I find very exciting. An agressive woman who would flip me on my back is one of them. LOL So I really like your wrestling post. ;)