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Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Hairpins & condom wrappers

After a few months of being a triad and a recent 10 day visit from my couple, I feel that I am just beginning to get to know my girlfriend. She and I, through an unspoken agreement, have backed off from the sexual side of our relationship. We're still intimate on a sensual physically level through cuddling and kissing and hugging and even occasionally groping and nibbling. But the sex had come too fast too soon and I like her too much not to pull back and give our relationship room to breathe.

It's the funny thing that I'm learning about being in a triad... since my dyad with my boyfriend was moving at a certain pace, I felt that my relationship with his wife should be on the same level... I knew better - after all, my relationship with him is nothing like his relationship with her - but my feelings just weren't listening to reason. He was happy that we all seemed to be in the same sexual space and she flows with the current... at least for a little while.

The revelation, though there had been indications of that wellspring a few times before, came through a Tarot reading I did with the triad. The reading itself wasn't terribly mind-boggling, but her reaction to the reading showed me so much. A few of the cards indicated the need to not rush into things and take the time for things to build on their own. Whenever I read one of those, she would turn to her husband, give him a stern look and say, "yeah!" At first I was concerned that she thought he and I had moved to fast, but later, when I thought about it some more, I realized that she had been referring to her and I. Between the Philosopher and I, things have been in a very comfortable stride for a while now. But the velocity of my relationship with the Photographer has been choppy... as if it's tripping over its own feet.

The three of us didn't have sex together after that. He had sex with her in my bed while he and I had sex in the Dungeon. She and I have yet to have sex with just the two of us.

I'm making a concerted effort to pay attention to how we're building our relationship. I feel that all three relationships - mine with them, mine with him & mine with her... (I can't speak for theirs) - have grown. I feel much more comfortable with them, as individuals and as a couple.

I keep finding my girlfriend's hairpins in my bed. Every time I find one, I smile. She slept here... her head laid on my pillow... her body was in this bed. This morning, I found a hairpin and part of a condom wrapper. I'd already been dreaming about them, so the idea of them having sex in my bed filled me with lust and compersion*. Instead of getting up and getting ready for work like I should have, I crawled back into bed and masturbated with thoughts of their love-making in my mind. It was an explosive orgasm... the type I don't usually get through self-stimulation.

*compersion: the experience of taking pleasure when one's partner is with another person; the opposite of jealousy.

1 comment:

Beloved's girl said...

*soft smile* I'm part of the couple in such a relationship... I just want you to know that you are missed and loved as much as they are.