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Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Seed from Which My Poly Life Doth Grow

I met my hetero-lifemate at Borders. Kinda prophetic since we are working towards owning our own bookstore in the not too distant future. I sometimes call her Daisy because she is a wildflower, sometimes my Fungus because our relationship grew in a place where I thought none would grow, and sometimes I call her my Seed. If not for our relationship growing in the soil of my life, I would not have been willing to plant the relationships I have had since meeting her.

A bit o' background: Before I met her I'd had a series of bad relationships that each ended in disaster. But the worst one was the guy who'd asked me to marry him (despite my better judgment that told me I should never get married) then treated me like shit when I informed him I was pregnant (I only wanted him to pay for his half of the abortion) at a time when there was a lot of calamity in my family life. Around that time my group of friends, who had also been his friends, pretty much dissolved. After that I said no way, no how, no more.

Then I met my Seed. We were very wary of each other at first. Circling like vultures; like hyenas. We didn't know whether to flee, to pounce or to hunt together. When she was promoted to manager, she'd been the Special Orders Clerk, she decided to recommend me, a lowly cafe slave, to take over her position. We got to know each other while she trained me and during smoke breaks - we were both smokers at the time - and we started to hang out outside of Borders.

The real deal sealer for our relationship came the day she did not show up for work. I was working in the back office and overheard one of the other managers talking to her. From what I could tell, she was upset and not coming into work because her husband had left. (I'd later find out that he pretty much played a disappearing act with no note or anything. BASTARD!) So, once no one else was in the back office, I called her up and informed her that I was coming over after work and spending the night. I wanted to be there for her in a way that no one had been there for me.

When I got there, I told her, I will not say I'm sorry because who knows if this is a situation to be sorry about nor will I spout any pithy platitudes about how 'you'll be better off' or 'things'll get better' or 'you deserve better' or anything like that. Who wants to hear that shit? I said, "If at any point you get tired of me being here, just tell me to leave and I will. Otherwise, I'm here." She nodded and thanked me.

The wave of family and friends and so called friends stopping by to check on her seemed endless. Her mom was cool though distraught because she felt betrayed as well (she'd been friends with my Seed's husband), her dad fixed her dryer because he's a mechanic and that's how he deals with emotional things but everyone else seemed to be all about the pithy comments and the chocolate. Dear gods! Why do people throw chocolate at a distressed woman? Can you even imagine anyone doing that to a man? It's stupid. Of course, if she was a man, they might have made her dinner. I couldn't contain myself... after each person left, I would pat her hand like they had and mock them, doing my best impression of how they spoke to her. It made her laugh... which only encourage me to do it more. Soon we were exchanging glances and trying not to laugh in the well-wishers' faces. During one particular visit, from a "friend" I'd later learn had made her childhood hell, I had to go to the bathroom for a little bit so we'd stop cracking each other up.

I had the next day off and decided that she needed to take the day off as well. She had the perfect out. I mean, who the hell was going to give her shit for missing work when her husband had just abandoned her especially since she rarely took any time off work? We went shopping and she bought glasses (that she really needed) and we went to Arbys where they put too much meat on everything (we were both meat eaters back then) so she flipped it out the car window then we took pictures. It was so ridiculous and so much fun!

The villainous bastard had left around Thanksgiving, so while I was I spending time with my fam I called my Seed & told her that even though it's an awful genocidal holiday, I was still incredibly thankful to have her as a friend. For New Year's Eve, it was Y2K, we got drunk and waited for the world to blow-up. It didn't. I moved in that year.

The best thing about my Seed is we never fight. We have a few pissy moments here and there, but if it's tending towards a fight, we both walk away, cool down and later discuss things rationally. We started going to pagan camp together and, as I was agnostic at the time, I discovered my pagan leanings. She was a witch all along, but never pushed her spiritual views on me (unlike my hardcore southern baptist parents) and would merely discuss it and say, "this is what works for me". As I was already on my own spiritual journey, it was great to have a person to bounce ideas off of without any judgment.

She is why I am polyamorous. Just because another relationship comes along that's sexual (my Seed is, alas, straight) I will not dump my Seed. Love is an action and in each relationship the action is defined by the people involved. So we don't have sex or cuddle, but we do things for each other all the time. We support and encourage each other constantly. While she does not complete me, we are both complete individuals, she complements my life and (hopefully) I do the same for her.

Of course, being voyeuristicly inclined and filled with a deep sense of compersion helps when thinking of (or hearing since her room is across the hall from each other) her getting it on. It makes me so happy when she's happy and since she's so super-duper sexy, she has guys panting after her. She gets the man and has one or two on the side for... well, when she has some spare time. (HA!)

I love my Seed!!!


Anonymous said...

that is so sweet. What a blessing.

CSECooney said...

Such super-duper sexy daisylilies ne'er did grace the west side like the two of you do. As the French would say, "La Vie est meilleure ici." I probably spelled it wrong. But, basically, "Life is better here."

"Here" being, wherever you are.

Sheathen said...

This seedling daisy loves you back ferociously.