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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Holiday Writing Schedule

Apparently, I have no holiday writing schedule. There have been thoughts of writing & even some off-line writing, but nary a blog. As things have been hectic in my life, I've decided to give myself a break & not require myself to blog again until 2010. (An unexpected blogging might happen, but I'm not planning on it.) Instead I say...

Happy Holidays to All!!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I should be writing...

I'm leaving to visit my folks in Alabama on the 23rd and I'm not even at the halfway mark of my novel. I should be writing... I should be spending all my free time on it. But I know I'm over thinking it... exactly what you're NOT supposed to do for the NaNoWriMo. You're just supposed to WRITE!!!

I have to consider that fact that when I'm in Alabama, I will be with family at least most of the time if not all the time. And seriously... am I really going to sneak off to work on my erotic novel while visiting my ultra-conservative Southern Baptist parents?? Yeah, probably not so much.

Monday, November 9, 2009

For my birthday...

When Crumpet came over for my birthday on Saturday, he left 2 notes on my night-stand. One was sealed & the other was not. I opened the unsealed one and it read:

Nov 7th 2009

My name is Kim and I know you are a very good person in need of a hardworking housekeeper and maid. I am very good cleaner and I work for very little and do everything you say me to do. I not grumble or complain like other people and I know you will be very happy with me.

I do not make much sound and I not speak English too good but I can listen and understand a little and will know what to say and want me to do.

I had worked in other places and all the people were caring and lovely and I made their home look tidy and smell good and they said they were happy that I was their house maid and did not want me to go away.

I will work with a smile and be very happy no matter how much chores you give to me. So if you want me to be your maid you will not regret it.

Your servant.


The sealed envelope had a reference for "Kim". Her previous employer treated her with a stern hand and would punish her severely for the slightest transgressions doing things like spanking, humiliating and embarrassing her. When there was no more use for her, she would be kept tightly bound and blindfolded in a closet. She would not speak unless spoken to, was not allowed to make eye contact, was only allowed to sit on the floor, had to wear her maid outfit at all times and she had to obey every command.

Tuesday night, I hope to have a trial run with Kim and see if she's everything she's been built up to. I already have the chores & punishments in mind. I'm so excited!!

Friday, November 6, 2009

An Excerpt from "Sugar Daddy" (Fiction)

Daddy’s Games

“We are going to play a game,” he informs me of this as I sleepily yawned my way into the living room. “Or rather, a few games.”

Flopping down on the couch, I lazily petted the puppy-boy who had put his head in my lap. “What kind of games?”

There was a wicked gleam in Daddy's eyes. “Fun games. Do you want to play?”

I considered this. On the one hand, I trust him. I know my Daddy won’t do anything to truly endanger me. On the other hand, I know him. He’s a sadistic fuck who likes to torture and tease me. But I also know that if I refuse, I’ll get punished for that. While he believes in giving his subs choices, I also know he rigs the choices so he’s gonna get what he wants no matter what you choose. Take puppy-boy for example. He expressed a desire never to have children once and Daddy found a way to get him “neutered”. I wondered if that was what he was going to do to me. I wouldn’t mind it since I’m already in my thirties and I have no plans to ever have kids. But I hate surgery! Although, if Daddy made me do it, I wouldn’t hate it quite so much and…

“Charlie! Make up your mind. I have not got all day; Daddy has work to do. If you do not want to play, then you can go sit in your corner for the rest of the day.”

I bit my lower lip to hold back the tears. I hated sitting in the corner! “But Daddy, I don’t know what kind of game it is. What if I don’t like it?”

He tapped his knee and I went over and sat on his lap. Holding me to him he whispered, “If my little girl does not like it, we will only play it this once. Okay?” I nodded. He kissed the top of my head. “Besides, you should trust your Daddy.” I nodded again.

Gently setting me onto my feet, he led me by my hand into the kitchen where he had me sit at the breakfast table. There was a piece of paper in front of me, another one at his place and a box of crayons between us.

“Are we drawing?”

Daddy shook his head, then reconsidered and shrugged. “You can, but mostly we are writing.”

I drew a little smiley face at the top left corner of my sheet. “What’re we writing?”

“You are going to write down your safeword. I am going to write down a new safeword. Then we’re going to fold the papers as small as we can get them.”

I quickly wrote “banana-split” and began folding. I was done folding mine before Daddy was. “Do I win?”

He grinned and shook his head. “No sweetheart, this is just the set up for the games, not one of the games.” He held out his hand and I put my paper in it, curious about what he was going to do with it. He cupped his hands over each other with the two squares of paper in between and shook them. Then taking one in one fist and the other in the other, he held his knuckles out to me. “Pick one.”

I lightly tapped his left hand. He opened it to reveal my folded sheet. I took it. “Now what?” I was becoming a bit impatient. I wanted to know what this game was.

“Come with me.” He led me back into the living room where there was a fire in the hearth. The maid had obviously started it while we were in the kitchen. My breathing became shallow, my eyes wide and the hand that held my safeword was shaking. Daddy squatted in front of me, tenderly holding the hand that had nothing in it. “I can see you have guessed the next step. Do not worry, honey. You can still use Red, Yellow and Green during scenes.” I nodded, swallowing to fight back the tears that threatened. “I am not taking away your end all safeword.” He held up his square. “I am merely changing it.” His large thumb rubbed the back of my hand. “ You do trust your Daddy, do you not?”

I nodded several times. “Yes Daddy. I’m just scared.”

“I know, but it will be fine.”

He stood up and walked me the rest of the way to the fireplace. I glanced over at puppy-boy, but he was busy playing with a ball. I glanced up at the gagged maid. She shrugged then cast her gaze to the ground.

“Toss it in.” Daddy’s words were a command I had to obey. He held back the screen. I tossed the paper with “banana-split” and my little smiley face on it into the fire. It burned fast.

“So do I get to see the new one, Daddy?”

“Not yet.” He brushed his palms against each other. “Now we are going to play hide and seek. I am certain you have played this before, yes?” I nodded. “The difference with my game is that what you will be seeking is your new safeword and you only have a limited amount of time to find it.” I nodded a bit more hesitantly. “Then we play my favorite game.” He got a dreamy wistful look on his face. Shaking it off, he said, “but we are not to that yet. First, come here.” He took the scarf I had in my hair and put it over my eyes, tying it tightly behind my head. With his hands on my shoulder, he turned me around and walked me over to what I quickly surmised was my corner. “Now count to one hundred out loud.”

As I counted, I tried to listen to where Daddy was moving, but I quickly figured out that he was no longer in the room. “One hundred!” I pulled my blindfold off and flipped around, almost smacking right in to Daddy’s chest. He laughed heartily.

“Now we set the timer.” He walked into the kitchen and set the oven timer for sixty minutes. “You have an hour to find the safeword. It is somewhere in the house but it is not in Daddy’s room, Daddy’s study where he will be working or in any of the servant’s rooms. Once you have found it or the timer goes off, which ever happens first, you will come into Daddy’s study to receive your reward for finding it or your punishment for not finding it. Three rules: (1) Anything you move must be moved back to where it belongs. (2) NOBODY, not even puppy, is allowed to help you. If you ask someone, they will tell me and you will be immediately punished for that. If I find out that someone helped you and did not tell me, both of you will be punished most severely. (3) If you go into any of the places that I told you the paper is not, other than my study when you are done, you will be punished. And I will know, do not think I will not find out. Do you understand?”

“Yes Daddy.”

He kissed my forehead. “Good girl.” Turning on the timer, he patted my ass. “Now go! The clock is ticking.” He strolled off to his study as I frantically began my search.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Novel Started!

So this is going to be a really short post. I started my novel. My main character, Charlie, has just met her Sugar Daddy to be and they don't quite know what to make of each other. She's intrigued by him but not interested in him in that way... yet. So far it's told from her point of view so I'm not quite sure what he makes of her. Even if it's not in the novel, I'm going to write out his take on her and I'll post it here.

It's a strong start. I'm so excited! :D

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Samhain!

In celebration of this auspicious time of the year, I've signed up to do NaNoWriMo in November. I'm hoping it'll kick my booty to get Sugar Daddy done much earlier than the deadline I set up for myself. I'll be posting regularly on Mondays & Fridays so you'll get to see how it's going.

And also, a fan created a Face Book fan page for Crumbs in my Cleavage! How cool is that??? It's titled: Crumbs in My Clëavagë

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Writing? WRITING!! For I is serious Writer!

My dear loyal readers,

Three things...

I had a dream the other night about a woman who was trapped by the fulfillment of her own fantasies. While there were erotic elements to the dream, there were horrific features as well. The dream lead to thinking which led to jotting down the idea which led to more ideas and more thinking and more jotting down and eventually I had an outline for a novel staring back up at me. I don't normally outline, but then again, I rarely finish my novels. So, perhaps, this will be the beginning of embarking on projects I actually finish. (Oh how excellent that would be!!)
The novel's working title is Sugar Daddy. So far, it's very fitting and a bit deceptive while still being dead-on.

I am also working on putting together my erotic memoir(s?). I've been writing bits and pieces of it here but currently, it has no focus. I had originally planned to call it Crumbs in my Cleavage after this blog, but the blog has taken on a life of its own and I feel that if I use that title again, it'll be for something else. The title that's currently pulling at me is, Why Not?, since that tends to be my attitude. Now I don't know the publishing world's stance on titling after an attitude, but... well, why not? ;)

For my own sanity, I'll be moving my posting days to Mondays & Fridays. I do hope to exploit my larger writings by giving glimpses of my work here. This will help me stay on task with each of these projects. Also, if it just so happens to garner your interest, that would be lovely too!
For the novel, I'm going to give it a deadline of April for the first draft since I think it will need several revisions & I would LOVE to publish it before next Samhain/Halloween.
For the memoir, I'm giving myself until the beginning of next October, just under a year. My reasoning is that even though I've got a lot of writing to draw from, I still don't feel as focused or certain about the form I want this project to take.
Starting in November, I will be sending out my erotic short story fiction as well as stand alone shorter clips of memoir material for publication.

I will, of course, post updates on my progress. I do sooooo much better when I'm accountable to someone(s) other than myself.

Thank you for reading!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Musings about my Dungeon

I have a dungeon in my basement. In said dungeon is a single bed with metal postings, a St. Andrews Cross my friend the FryGuy built for me, chains hanging from the ceiling, a cage, the alter of filth and an exercise bike. I also have rubber floggers, a rope flogger, paddles, spoons, cuffs, rulers, bondage tape and some fun costumes. I have a closet I would like to fix up so that I could lock someone in it & they would only be able to watch the fun going on in the other part of the dungeon. I have a trunk of fun toys in my bedroom that I'd love to move down to the dungeon.

I want to fix up my dungeon. I’ve been waffling back and forth for years about becoming a professional Dominatrix & renting out the dungeon space. I'm still not certain that I've decided 100%, but I am much closer than I've ever been.

The pros:
1. Money for me, money for the Artist (as she is my landlady)
2. Doing what I love
3. I could make my own schedule

The cons:
1. It’ll take some money & time to fix it up & get underway
2. Another drain on my time
3. Strangers coming in and out of the house

I would like to be able to divide it into separate rooms for different scenes. The issue there is I have limited space. I also want to make it an all vegan dungeon. So far, that’s not been as hard as I feared it would be. I also want to do it as cheaply as possible. I believe I’ll be able to enlist the assistance of Crumpet & the Artist & maybe even Raven as he wants to take pictures in my dungeon.

Here is the list of what I need to do:
1. Make a business plan including a budget
2. Decide what rooms I want in my dungeon
3. List the issues -- i.e. we have some flooding, limited space, etc.
4. Make a floor plan
5. Purchase / scavenge supplies

I have a LOT of work ahead of me!

Thursday, October 22, 2009


Crumpet came over last night, bought me pizza and did the dishes. Not just the dishes we used but emptied the dishwasher and did all the dishes in the sink. He's a good Crumpet.

The thing I have to be careful of is not letting his service be just work. He's not really turned on by just being a service sub. He actually does a lot of the cleaning at his house if there's not something to make his work special, he may resent it.

With a short little black skirt that had Vs for edges, he spun around and it flared prettily, I had him take off his top to do the dishes. The Artist and I cuddled on the couch in the living room making comments.

“Oh, I hope he leans over again!”
“That is a nice butt, isn’t it?”
“Nice gams!”
“Oooh! I especially like it when he stands on his tiptoes.”
“We should have more things on the higher shelf, shouldn’t we?”
“Most definitely!”
“It’s too bad that skirt isn’t just a bit shorter.”
“I was just thinking that!”

We’re silly.

When he came back in the room, it was apparent that our ogling had the proper affect. The front of his skirt was raised quite nicely. Just for giggles, I had him hang his sweatshirt off of it. It stayed! The Artist and I busted out laughing.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Reality... TV?

Okay, I admit it. I watch some reality TV.

It's like junk food... I know it's bad for me, but it just tastes sooooo good! I rarely give it my full attention, kinda like the way I'm usually doing other things while eating junk food. But then, every once in a while, there will be a particularly tasty morsel and I wish I could eat it all the time. I wish it was healthy for me 'cause it's just so damn good! I try to convince myself that eating it will be good for me in some way. I don't buy my bullshit, but I so wish I could.

This is how I feel about watching one particular participant on a really bad reality dating show.

I know, I know... she's not even the main focus of the show. I don't care. For me, it's HER show. And yes... she's not the brightest bulb in the pack , but she's funny & cute & sexy &... well, I'll admit, I want to do naughty things to her. It's odd because I've never been one to have crushes on the famous or the pseudo-famous. But I have quite the crush on that sweet, sweet woman.

My fantasies involve tying her up, pulling her hair, playing with her amazing bosom, spanking her plush ass and licking her all over. They also include her reading me bedtime stories (she has a rich husky voice), holding her hands and looking into her eyes. They do not include deep conversation or listening to her philosophies on... well, anything. It's a shallow lustful crush with moments of tenderness. Well, tenderness with a very D/s sort of twist.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Cross dressing party

Crumpet, when he's wearing skirts, goes commando. He sent me an e-mail asking of I think he should be panty-less as Chlamydia. I like this. It draws a line between his two personas. Crumpet is modest and shy. Chlamydia, however, is a bit of a rebel and a tart.

For his birthday, Crumpet dressed as the naughty schoolgirl Chlamydia - he had a red wig on and everything! The party his wife & I threw for him was a cross dressing party. I dressed up as Charlie. We wanted to have fun and for him to be surrounded by others dressed as the other gender. That was the idea.

Unfortunately, a lot of the invitees couldn't make it &, of those who did, only two others were cross dressed. His wife dressed as Prince Valiant and another friend, Raven, had on a fantastically colorful dress and long white wig. There was a mix up with the cake (as in, there wasn't one) so I came up with the brilliant plan to go to the store and get a cake. Prince Valiant stayed with the rest of the guests as Chlamydia, Raven & I went to the store. We were in costume and received many odd stares. A few boys burst out laughing and ribbed each other saying, "hey, isn't that your sister?" We got the cake and joked with a few other store patrons. It was great fun!

The thing that I found interesting about this venture is how a bit of Chlamydia's rebellious personality coming out. It wasn't quite as expressive as it's become in the emails he's sent me, but there was a glimmer. And for him to show it in public was quite delightful.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Chlamydia (part 2)

Ms. Maphia

The first time I met Cindy was on her birthday. She stormed into the Front Office demanding to see the principle. Since the door to my office was open, I was witness.

“Where is the principle? I DEMAND to see him!” She slammed her fist on the counter and leaned over it staring hard at Eunice, the receptionist.

Understandable flustered, Eunice avoided eye contact, shuffled papers, stood up, sat back down, then stood up again. Her voice came out sniveling. “Now look here, missy, that attitude is inappropriate!” She actually looked at Cindy as her voice raised in pitch as well as volume. “First of all, the principle is a she, not a he. And s-second of all, she’s currently out of the office. So you are just going to have to…”

Cindy leaned over the counter, nose to nose with Eunice, and whispered, “If you say settle down, I will punch you in your glasses so they shatter and slice your eye.”

Eunice fell back into her seat.

“Good. Now tell me, who do I speak with since that jack-ass health teacher sent me here for giggling?”

“That’d be me.” I didn’t look up from the file I had pulled out of the stack on my desk and merely motioned with my fingers for her to come into my office. Still pretending to read the folder in front of me, I listened as she stomped in and plopped herself onto the cushy chair opposite mine. Tapping the desk between us with a pen, I went back to reading about her expulsions, failing grades, smoking and drinking in the girls’ lavatories and locker rooms, other possible criminal (though never proven) activity on and off school property, etc, etc, etc… Yep, pretty standard for the girls who end up here. She just seemed to have a lot more spunk. There was also a note about her being caught on adult websites while using school computers.

Still not looking up, I said, “Cindy, close the door.”

She shuffled in her seat. “No, you can close it your own damn self. I don’t have to obey you!”

I slammed her file shut and looked her directly in the eye. Without raising my voice, I cocked an eyebrow. “Of course you don’t have to. But you will, Chlamydia9.”

She gasped at this, hopped up and slammed the door shut. “How did you…?”

“I have my sources.” I stood up. “Now sit down.” She did. I walked slowly to her, my favorite wooden ruler in my hand, and sat on the edge of the desk. I crossed my ankles and tapped the ruler lightly against my palm. “From reading your file, I see that just about every disciplinary measure has been tried except for one big one. Do you know what that is, Cindy?”

“Jail.” She stated it as a fact. She’d obviously been told that's where she was heading and had come to accept it.

I slowly shook my head. “Oh no, not yet, honey. There’s one more thing we can try before we give up and put you away.” I smacked my hand hard with the ruler, still holding her eyes with my own. “Corporal Punishment.”

Her eyes widened as she jumped from the seat and rushed to the door. She frantically twisted the handle, but nothing happened. I waited for her to wear herself out. She turned, panting.

“Why can’t I open it?”

“Because it only unlocks from the inside with a key.” I smiled.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Chlamydia (part 1)

No, not the disease.

This is the name Crumpet has chosen for his schoolgirl persona. Chlamydia is 18 years old, often naughty and in need of discipline. When we play, which we're slowly getting into, I am Ms. Maphia. She's based on my forth grade teacher who just so happened to be a belly dancer and on whom I had a schoolgirl crush.

I've started writing a bit of fiction about Chlamydia & Ms. Maphia... and here's the rather rough start of it. Enjoy!

I saw the word Chlamydia written on a bathroom wall. I thought it was the most beautiful word. It was so much prettier than Cindy. I was 12. How was I to know what the word meant? And on a bathroom wall, they don't give definitions... the context was confusing. "[smeared name] has Chlamydia to share!" I thought it was an adult drink.

That was the year we got our first PC. Chlamydia9 became my secret, away from my parents, screen name and e-mail addy. In any chat room I went into, I received lots of attention. When I was Chlamedia9, I had no fear. By the time I was 16, I knew what chlamydia was and, after the initial shock, I thought it was hilarious. I had five internet boyfriends and my Chlamydia persona started seeping into my real life.

I started smoking, drinking and hanging out with the 'bad kids'. After my second expulsion, my parents sent me to Catholic school. I was 17 going on 18 and they feared I'd be arrested if I didn't straighten up. It was on my birthday when I first heard chlamydia spoken out loud in my 'abstinence only' health class. The teacher was not in the least bit amused when I burst out laughing. I got detention and was immediately sent to the Principle's office. That was the day I met Ms. Maphia... that was the day my life changed forever.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Sex Toy Party

Saturday, Crumpet and I went to a sex toy party. Crumpet was wearing a skirt, he's becoming more and more comfortable out of pants, and he looked super cute. I was dressed rather gypsy-esque in my luchadora boots and silvery bell earings. The witchies, who were hosting the party, laid out quite a spread of food. I thought we were going to be late, but the woman running the event got held up in traffic and was an hour and a half late. But with good food, good drinks and fun conversation, we only noticed her tardiness because we were waiting. (That and the fact that Crumpet & I had to take off early.)

I'll confess, for the most part I wasn't terribly impressed by what was for sale. The presentation was good and conversational, but the products were mostly hetero-normative and vanilla. They did have a strap-on in the catalog, a double ended dildo & a few items that gave a nod to BDSM. But overall, the items weren't terribly exciting. (Though the "Tongue Tied" red vibrator that looked like Freddy Kruger's nose & tongue was a bit disturbing.)

There was one FANTASTIC moment. The woman who was running the event held up the black satin mask & ties from the itty-bitty bondagey part of the catalogue. She was explaining how to add a bit of kinky excitement when she looked right at me and said, "You're looking at me like I have seven heads." I'd actually been zoning out 'cause, yawn, bondage lite! I started to protest, but then she said, "you're not looking at me like most folks who are freaked out by this. No. That's a 'been there, done that' look, right?" I smirked still trying to figure out how she knew this.
And that's when I realized that I was massaging Crumpet's head rather possessively & that my body language, leaning back in the chair with my legs splayed, was a dead give away. I had to laugh!


I've been busy, distracted, had computer problems & haven't posted since... JULY!!! For shame, Ninian, for shame. If I had a Dom, I'd TOTALLY deserve punishing for this!

Well, my faithful followers (if you're still there), Fall is a season of transitions & I plan to transition into a more consistent blogger & writer. I will begin with a post today (this one doesn't count) and give myself a deadline of midnight. So postings will be on Tuesdays & Thursdays before midnight. There are a lot of things I have for you, my dear readers, and hope to make it worth your wait!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Vegan Flogger!!

This past week the Artist was off tattooing in West Virginia for La Garou's CampOUT. I was sad not to go with her this year. But I couldn't take too much time off from the new-ish job and I was lacking funds. Hopefully, I'll be able to go next year. She had a good time & came back with a plethora of stories and a GIFT!!!

Sometimes, if you have something she wants, she'll barter. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, she gets some cool swag. And often, because she's the BEST Hetero-Lifemate a girl could ever hope to have, she'll barter for something for me. (That's how I ended up with the lovely St. Andrews Cross the FryGuy made.)

This time... ROPE FLOGGERS!! She got one for herself and one for me. She knows I'm trying to build an all vegan dungeon & is helping me make it amazing. I tried it on myself and wow... It has a nice thuddy feel to it. I'm so giddy I squeed!

It's pretty too!

Tomorrow, I might just have to try it out on some hapless... er, lucky victim! I wonder who I'll get to volunteer?

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Some thoughts...

A friend of mine fears that she has no standing in the BDSM community. She's had some criticism and it's made her question whether she belongs in the lifestyle. This got me to thinking and, as often happens with me, my comment on her blog got a little long so I decided it needed its own post. ;)

What anyone does in their own personal life should always be that: their OWN personal life. No one can dictate, no matter how much they think they know better than you, who you are or even what label(s) you claim. If your entire kink is to say that you're a slave without doing anything slave-like and your partner is cool with it, then so be it.

Negotiate the rules & stick to your boundaries. I'm not into any verbal humiliation, giving or receiving. However, I've known those who claim that verbal humiliation is imperative. For me to hook-up with someone like that would take quite a bit of give and take. If they want to verbally humiliate me, that's a no go but I'd be more flexible if I was doling out the verbal humiliation. It's not my kink, but it wouldn't upset me like being verbally humiliated. If you know for a fact that beatings make you angry or just plain hurt without any pleasure, then they'd be on your "do not" list. If you like bondage, cute outfits & sexually pleasuring your partner, those are on your "yes please!" list. Never fear to renegotiate. Of course, that should NEVER occur during a scene, but afterwards, when you've both cooled down, take a moment and talk things through. In fact, it’s not a bad idea to always take some time to talk between scenes. Each lover, each scene, is unique. Yes it's play, but it's also learning the other person.

All relationships thrive on good communication. Poly & kink relationships are no different. They absolutely NEED strong communication. Does that mean everyone's going to automatically agree? No. But at least you'll know where the other person(s) coming from, what they want & what they will not tolerate.

One of the reasons I don't play in public is that I have no desire to be criticized by strangers or even those I know who are not involved in the scene. I run my scenes my way and not by committee unless it’s the committee of me and my sub. (or Dom, depending on who I’m with.)

As far as living the life 24/7, I don't. While someone may come along who'll change my mind on this, it would take some convincing.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Bad Mistress...

Crumpet is a good sub... most of the time. When we were shopping, he carried all my purchases as we wandered through the store. He even stayed a few steps behind me. But when we were heading to the store he said I was a bad Mistress. Apparently when he said he didn't want to go to the store in his panties, stockings and the garter belt he just bought, he really wanted me to make him.

It's true... I have been taking things a bit slow with Crumpet since he's new to the D/s lifestyle. And okay, I'll admit it, I've also been a bit lazy with his training. When I said something about wanting a massage, he said he wasn't very good at them. Instead of just saying, "fine, whatever," I should have insisted he try and given him direction & critique or punished him for not doing what I wanted.

Part of it is that I'm enjoying just hanging out with him, getting to know him and loving him. I like the relative ease our relationship has. We even have official date nights: Wednesdays & Saturdays. This adds a certain level of commitment and allows me to schedule things better. We're getting closer, understanding each other better and the sex is amazing. I know that pushing the D/s element too far & too fast could bring on unwanted complications. I'm fine with taking things slow. But if he's feeling like I'm not doing a good job, then perhaps I should step things up a notch.

Another part is that I'm just so damn tired after work. But that's not a good excuse... not even much of a reason.

I had a sub who called me a "Sensual Mistress" and, while he meant it as a compliment, there's also a negative side to it. I am constantly thinking of what would be sensually pleasing for both myself and my sub and not thinking enough about the ways a sub could benefit my life. While it would be nice to have a sub that anticipates my needs & wants as any good sub should, I have to remember that Crumpet's still new and I have to train him. I feel that we're definitely at a place where he trusts me enough to train him to my desires as his Mistress.

So what is an appropriate punishment for a sub who tells you that you're a bad Dom? I have some ideas of what I'm going to do to him on Wednesday, but I'm definitely open to suggestions. ;)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Drumming & Dreaming

On summer solstice, Crumpet & I went to a drum circle at Pixie's lovely house. The house has high ceilings and a large living room to play in. A group of drummers gathered, bringing dishes for potluck and we drummed. There were all sorts of drums as well as other percussive instruments. The rhythms were varied and unique with starts and stops and sliding from one beat to the next. The swell of the vibrations got me all tingly. (Even though I happen to know that several in attendance were, shall we say, sensual beings, I did nothing about my rising libido since there are children in the group.)

Once Crumpet and I were back at his place and the kids were tucked away in their beds, we're quickly naked, attacking each other with mouth and hands. I mounted him and rode him to ecstasy. I cum over and over again, pulling at his nipples as if they were reigns. It's rare that I let go entirely of my concern for my lovers pleasure. But that night, it was all about me. I put his hands back onto my breasts when they dropped off, directing him to pinch, squeeze and caress as it enhanced each orgasm.

That night my dream was of a different sort of drum circle. Not all in attendance were drumming; some were the drums. Each body part made a unique sound; each beating brought on a variety of vocalizations from the human drums. Some of the drums were bound with ropes that would have to be tightened or loosened depending on the sound desired. One woman was tied up with fishing line over gauze bearing a million little bells. A man, suspended from the ceiling, had a cowbell hanging from his balls. The music we made with this human drum circle was amazingly lovely.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Sexual Fantasies

"Weird" Sex Fantasies, And Why They're Good For You

After reading this article (linked above) a friend sent me, I had to post it. It got me thinking about my own fantasies… particularly when I’m masturbating. One weird trend I've noticed with myself is that when I'm in a relationship with someone who fulfills a particular kink, i.e. dating Crumpet who's exploring his submissive side, I tend to have two main types of fantasies.

The first type involve my current lover and, often, include some of our sexual escapades. These fantasies are grounded in reality. I'm reliving things we've done, sensations I've felt... the feel of his teeth on my nipples... my straddling him... binding him... clawing him... the feel of his hips against mine as he thrusts deeper and harder inside me...

The other fantasies tend to be of an unknown person (or persons) different from the reality of my life. Sometimes it's a woman who has me bound and is punishing me. Sometimes there's a reason for the punishment, sometimes not. Sometimes I'm a willing accomplice, but often I've been forced into this slavery. Sometimes I'm still a Mistress, but my sub is a girl who likes to be tortured.

And then there are the apartment fantasies. This series of fantasies is intricate and doesn't hinge on whether or not I 'm dating someone. And it's pure fantasy; the road I can never seen myself on.
I'm a 24/7 slave to a harsh master/mistress. (The gender of my Dom tends to be fluid and sometimes a MtF pre-op trans.) We live in a really nice apartment that I keep clean. In fact, in this fantasy, I do all the domestic duties except shopping as I'm not allowed out of the apartment by myself. When I do try to venture out on my own, I discover that my Dom owns the building and everyone in it works for Her/Him and they have permission to punish me if I'm found wandering the halls or trying to leave.
Once, I made it as far as the lobby, but the doorman caught me. With the help of two burly bellboys, he ripped off my clothes, whipped me with riding crop he kept behind the desk and fucked me on the plush carpeting. When he was done, the bellboys had their way with me... both of them, with me sandwiched between them... one dick in my pussy and the other in my ass.
But most often, I'm at the apartment door, naked except for a collar, waiting for my master to come home. As soon as S/He walks through the door, I become the good servant and remove coat, hat and anything they might be holding. I take their clothes and dress them in a robe. I sit them in a chair and kneel to remove socks and shoes and massage their feet. As I finish, the back of my head is clasped (or, if I'm wearing pigtails, my hair is grabbed) and my mouth is guided to suck on a clit or an erect penis. After I bring my Dom to orgasm, S/He pulls me over their knees and spanks me until my ass is bright red. Then, grabbing me by the hair, S/He drags me through the apartment, showing me all the things I did wrong. The entire place has recording devices throughout so they knows what I've been doing all day. At one point, S/He informed me that I am on a website where there was a live stream of everything I do. There are often other punishments and eventually my Dom fucks me.
The main thing about this fantasy is that I have no control over my life... something I would not want in real life, but wow, does the idea of it ever get my juices flowing!

And now a question for you dear reader: What are some of your sexual fantasies?

Friday, June 5, 2009

Writing on writing

Sometimes, no matter how much I write, it all sucks. But fret not, loyal readers, I'm working on a juicy tale called Threesome in the Woods, and will post... hopefully soon. In the meantime, this weekend is busy with work and a party at Crumpet's house where I'm going to get to meet some of his friends. (Woo-hoo!) Then on Monday & Tuesday I'll be out of town for work. (Yeah, my days off get eaten by work... boo.)

Come Wednesday, my goal is to set up a writing/posting schedule for my blog and a writing/sending-off-to-be-published schedule.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Hiatus - The Good, The Bad, The Writing

The Good:
The Artist & I are heading off to the woods for some good ole Pagan camping. Crumpet and his family are going too! This is just what I need right now. There are going to be a lot of friends I haven't seen in quite a while and a great deal of frolicking. I hope to come back with an erotic tale or two.

The Bad:
This means, I'll continue to neglect this blog until sometime next week when I'm back. I hadn't intended to go quite this long without posting, but life got a bit busy.

The Writing:
In fact, I have several drafts of posts that never quite made it. I may shuffle through them for ideas for future posts. I seem to do better when I give myself specific days to post so I'm going to figure out what days would be best with my schedule. I NEED to write more! I also NEED to send more of my writing to contests & publishers.... something I'll be working on as well.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Impolite Conversation

Saturday was exactly a month after our first date and I was late. I hate running late! Work was short staffed & I didn't get a lunch so I didn't even have a chance to text Crumpet. But he was very patient and gracious even though he had to wait almost half an hour for me to get home.

I needed to take a shower, so I invited him to join me. We quickly removed clothes and got in under the water. Crumpet was... well, aroused. I realized, in the middle of a very passionate kiss, that this was the first time we've been naked together... vertically. This made me giggle*.
"What's funny?" He asked.
I shrugged ad kissed him some more.
We washed each other... sort of. There was really a lot more kissing and groping than washing. His skin was slick against mine and felt really good. As our bodies pressed together, I discovered the advantage of having a lover not much taller than me. Standing on my tip-toes, I could straddle his cock. I squeezed him between my thighs. He gasped and dropped the washcloth. It landed on my chest then slid down over my nipples. Startled by the sensation, I stepped back and it landed... on his dick. We both started laughing. Surprisingly, it stayed there until I removed it.

* I have a bad habit of inappropriate giggling.
I can't always explain why I'm giggling.
This makes some people nervous.
Especially lovers.

We went to dinner at the same Thai place we'd gone to a month ago. Since it was a Saturday, the place was pretty hoppin'. It didn't take long to get a table. After our food arrived, he got Pad Thai & I got Pad Woonsen, we decided to have some impolite conversation**.
Crumpet: Maybe we can make a washcloth measurement. As unto, how many washcloths a
penis can hold.
Me: But wouldn't it work better with ribbons? Though I suppose that's been done.
Crumpet: Not how many in a row, but the weight of how many before they fall off.
Me: Oh. Oh! That could be fun. Really fun!
Crumpet: Of course, there'd have to be a wet test and a dry test.
Me: Of course. Hmmmm.... I'm going to have to start collecting washcloths.
Crumpet: Yes.

** The first time we went, we had polite conversation.
From that, we talked about what would qualify
as "impolite conversation".

Afterwards, we went shopping. We'd been discussing getting him some lingerie and I decided it was time. While I've provided panties for a boy, had one wear some of mine and even had a sub go shopping for some, I'd never gone shopping with the person I was playing with. It was fun! We strolled through the "intimate apparel" and found some lovely lacy pieces. I would take each one off the rack and hold it up to him. He was almost as turned on as I was. And he was blushing... quite delicious. We finally came across a cute pair of sheer black panties with peach bows. Even though I was buying the panties for him, I made him carry them to the check out.
At home, he modeled them for me. I took pictures. When the Artist came home, I insisted he show her his present. He was hesitant, saying she wouldn't want to see. But she did, so the pants came off. He held up his shirt & spun slowly.
Artist: He barely fits in there, does he?
Me: Yeah, he's pokin' out!
He was blushing. It was very sexy.

It wasn't too much longer before I took him up to my bed.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Fun Poly Moment

As I doubt I'm going to get a full post in tonight, what with being distracted and all, I thought I'd get up before work and post a little something since I wanted to post every day this week. (Whoever decided that must be crazy!)

Last night I was separately chatting online with Crumpet & his wife. He was being cheeky and silly and while he told me that his ego has gotten pretty inflated, I was only seeing confidence rather than arrogance. But I was online with him and not in person. His wife informed me that the ego is "out of control". We discussed getting together and figuring out a punishment for him. But after a bit of discussion, we realized that we already know a weakness and punishment really won't be all that difficult.
So we decided that we should get together just to hang out... sans the man. We didn't pick a date or time, but have plans to make plans... which I always find amusing. She's a pretty awesome woman and I'm looking forward to getting to know her better.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Should not post while tipsy....

So I started writing a serious (well, somewhat serious... as serious as I get in this blog) post. But then the Artist came home with Hard Cider to celebrate Beltane. Happy Beltane! Kinda lost my posting momentum. And tomorrow night I have a date with Crumpet. (Damn! I wasn't going to write about him.) ;)

Tomorrow will be a month since our first date and, to honor the occasion, he's taking me to the same Thai place we went to for our first date. I know it's corny, but it makes me squee with glee that Crumpet is just as ridiculously romantic.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Bondage for Beginners

The last time I was with someone who hadn't had much experience with bondage was when I was dating Toe. But the thing with Toe was everything was new to him. I was the one who deflowered the boy... but that's another post for another time.

With Crumpet, I have a man who is already an experienced and an amazing lover. And while he'll on occasion hint at sexual innocence, I don't quite buy it. He's too confident & secure in his sexual prowess. Plus, he's incredibly fun in bed! Now don't get me wrong, as I understand it, his uncertainty lies in that he's not had as many partners as I've had and his venture into the realm of kink has been limited... though there are some things he's told me about that he didn't necessarily consider kink but I would. Semantics.

He told me, he was interested in being tied up. He told me, the idea of bondage excited him. He told me, he trusted me.

I happen to have a wonderful product called Bondage Tape. It looks and feels a bit electrical tape but it's not sticky and it clings to itself. It doesn't pull out hair. It's similar to saran wrap that way.

He was lying on his back, naked in my bed. I bound his wrists above his head.

"Can you break it?" I whispered in his ear. He moved his hands, trying to get free. After a few seconds of struggling, he shook his head. I kissed his mouth. "Good." I kissed, nibbled and scratched my way down his body. Then I wrapped his ankles as well. Once he was secured, I tickled him. Crumpet is a deliciously ticklish man. Sharp nailed scratches made him writhe between crunched up giggling.

"Roll over," I breathed. He did so. I'd decided to give him a massage. Reaching under my bed, I grabbed my goody basket. But I couldn't find the massage oil. I did find some lube and I thought, it's wet and it's cool.... So I used it. The problem being, lube gets kinda sticky. Not the affect I was going for.

"I'll be right back," I said, scurrying off to the bathroom. I quickly grabbed a towel, got it damp and hurried back. The towel was a bit cold, so his gasps from that as I cleaned the lube off his back were quite lovely. But I still felt kinda foolish even though he had no idea about my error.

After drying his back, I proceeded to scratch him up nicely. I thought about spanking and/or whipping him, but decided that since those sensations would also be new to him, I would save them for another time.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

His House

For our third date, I went to Crumpet's house. He was watching his daughters since their mother had her own date in the city. Now I must confess, the prospect of meeting the kids is a bit intimidating. I mean, after all, I’ve turned folks down because they have children and here I was about to spend an evening with the kids of a guy I’d only had two dates with.

So I took a page from the Firebird’s book (she’ll often bring feathers and ribbons and shiny things for children) and, because I collect hats, brought a few hats for the girls to play with. There was also a ribbon, a lighted necklace and a bracelet too tiny for me. I needn’t have worried, the girls and I got along really well.

After the girls’ bedtime, Crumpet and I hung out on the couch just talking and kissing. Then we headed into the bedroom. The room was gorgeous! Crumpet’s wife had done it up in a Moroccan motif. But I felt a little weird crawling in their bed. After all, when I dated Puck, he and his wife had a rule against either of them having sex in their bed without the other spouse being involved. Also, the Artist’s boyfriend, Plus, & his wife reserve their bed for them alone.

But that’s not the arrangement Crumpet & his wife have. They share their bed. I probably would have stayed out in the living room but for two reasons: (a) I had to work early the next morning and I don't sleep so well in foreign places especially if there's not a bed. & (b) the boy makes me horny. (I'll admit it... just being around him gets my panties moist.)

We took our time that night and slowly explored each others bodies with hands and mouths and eyes. Everything was slow and sensual and extremely sexy. We talked and cuddled and had some mind-blowing amazing sex. I was concerned about the puddle I made on their bed, but he assured me he'd take care of it. I'm not quite sure what it is about his technique that does it, but just having somewhat vanilla sex with this man has me writhing and orgasming over and over again until I cascade like a fountain.

And all this without any kink thrown in... yet.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Reflections on Crumpet

Crumpet and I started e-mailing back in December. He recognized the picture I had as the same one I’d posted for the Poly meetup group we both belonged to. After the initial e-mail exchange, we actually met in person at the January Poly Pot Luck. He was there with his wife and daughters and I was there with the Artisit.

The first thing I noticed was that he wasn’t just cute like I thought he was in his pictures; he was deliriously adorable. Yet he was shy and quiet, so I didn’t really get to know him. To be fair, I wasn’t talking much either. I tend not to be too chatty in larger groups. Besides, the Artist was there and she is a fantastic conversationalist. Crumpet’s wife is also exceedingly fascinating. Their girls were amazingly well behaved. It was lovely to watch parents who deal with their kids so well.

Even though I wasn’t dating, I was intrigued. We exchanged a few more e-mails in January and chatted a bit, but then communication dropped off in February. I knew he’d started dating someone else and, while I was enjoying our fun exchanges, I knew it wasn’t going anywhere. I figured, if we do become friends, it would be a slow process. There were a few other gatherings I could have gone to and possibly seen him (including one at his place), but with my new work schedule & my desire to hibernate during the winter, I just wasn't up for it.

Then, towards the end of March, he sent me an e-mail and the conversation began again. He gives good e-mail. He later told me that he kinda-maybe-sorta remembered that I was planning to date in the Spring. He’d also read my Musings on being Child Free post which I’d kinda-maybe-sorta posted with him in mind… which he commented on. After a few exchanges and getting back to chatting online, we were in deep flirt. There was obviously an attraction. I thought about being patient & wait to see how long it took him to ask me out. After all, he wasn't the only guy I was flirting with. But I realized that I didn't want to wait. Patience be damned! I asked him out.


Monday evening I wrote this:

I am sitting in the Firebird’s Aerie, writing along side her as she writes.
We do this.
The Firebird is currently on her own path of passion. She is experimenting… playing a May game in which she has four different dates with four different men all in the same month. Thus far, there are three. The first is the man she has known and been friends with. She asked him out. Then the man she met briefly who went out of his way to find her again. The third is a friend of a friend. The Firebird’s friend wanted them to meet in only a sideways attempt at playing matchmaker. And there will be a fourth.
I admire the Firebird. She sets a challenge for herself and accepts her own challenge. I know she will succeed in this endeavor because she is The Firebird. I aspire to be as audacious as she.

And speaking of audacity, dear readers, I should bring you up to date on the happenings with my delectable (de-LICK-able) Crumpet. And yes, I do call him mine. It’s a funny thing with Polyamory… A person can belong to you in the sense of “being apart of your life” and still belong to another. It’s beyond sharing… something I haven’t yet the vocabulary for, but it’s beautiful, whatever it’s called. Compersion comes close. But it’s more than the feeling of glee when your lover is with another lover… in fact, it’s more than emotion. It’s an honor and a privilege… And now I’m rambling…

I had initially intended to write about every single date. A kind of experiment of my own to see if I could do it. I got as far as the second date & got, shall we say, distracted. Well, that and I got busy. Life, you know? Though I wonder if that’s all entirely true. There is a part of me that just wanted to be selfish and keep him all to myself… at least for a while. Though I knew it wouldn’t last forever. For even though I am not an exhibitionist in person, I am one in words. I adore displaying my amorous escapades for the world to read. I want everyone to celebrate and luxuriate in the things I do to, with and for my lovers.

This week, I will write... every day.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Second Date, Double Date

"Most guys bring flowers, I bring crumpets." Crumpet smirked as he handed me a package. There was a mischievous twinkle in his blue eyes. We hugged and came further into the house.

Honestly, I'm not one for flowers. They die. But something yummy to eat? Cleaver. It made me smile. (Later, when I had a chance to eat a crumpet, I found that they’re quite delicious, just like Crumpet. Mmmmmm, I'd like to butter him...)

I had rushed home to take a shower and get dressed before Crumpet arrived. I succeeded... mostly. I was still sans socks and my hair was wet and unbrushed. We sat on the couch and talked, actually talked. To have a conversation about nothing in particular was delightful. There was a bit of tender touching, but not much beyond that since we were waiting for the Artist to get off work so we could get some dinner with her and her beau, Plus. We talked about Eddie Izzard and the English need to cue and Bill Bryson’s take on the British and Crumpet said he would loan me “Mother Tongue”. It’s only the second date and he’s already talking about sharing his books with me. *swoon* I love books!

He joked that we should once again be making out in the same position the Artist saw him last. I thought it was funny, but the conversation was too interesting to stop… even for something I was yearning to do.

The Artist arrived, looking lovely as usual. Since Crumpet was in a loaner car, we took the Beetle and he sat in back. The Artist offered to let us sit together in the back, but I have a quirk about being chauffered around. It would have been nice to cuddle in the back, but it’s just not my style.

We met Plus at the Olive Garden. The dinner was lovely. Plus shared amusing anecdotes about his coworkers and there was a familiar banter to our conversation. Crumpet even easily joined it. This thrilled me. It’s important to me that the person I’m dating gets along with my friends.

Afterwards, we went back to my place. We’d already decided that he was spending the night. It just made sense. He had to work at 7 am and he didn’t want to wake the family coming in late. I figured, it being only the second date & all, if I didn’t want him in my bed, I could find some spot in the living room for him to sleep. Of course, if things swung to the complete opposite end of the spectrum, there’s always a bed down in the dungeon.

But I did want him in my bed.

I turned off the light, not because I didn’t want to see him or for any feigned modesty on my part, but because the lights in my room glare and I wanted no distraction. We stayed clothed, our tongues exploring each other’s mouths, with teasing flicks over lips. As I bit his lower lip, a sigh escaped him. Sucking his tongue, his body trembled. Our hands roamed over clothes until either his fingers or mine, I can’t say who went first, slipped beneath the other’s shirt, exploring skin.

At some point, our shirts and my bra came off. Hands were replaced with lips and tongues and a bit of teeth. I wanted to bite him, really bite him, to bruise him, and him me, but we hadn’t discussed markings so I was respectful… despite my desires.

I was straddling him when I made up my mind.

“We both have way too many clothes on,” I whispered.

“Do we now?” I could feel his grin.

I nodded knowing he couldn’t see me, dismounted to remove my skirt and panties. “You have a condom?”

He paused in removing his pants and I heard that distinct crinkle as he removed it before whipping off his pants. The rip and tear of the wrapper grew as I kissed him and he slid the condom on.

Straddling him again, he eased up inside me, filling me. I was already quite moist from the intense foreplay, so it didn’t take long until I was thoroughly wet.

“Your bed squeaks.” It was a statement, not a question or a concern that the Artist and Plus would hear.

I opened my mouth the say, “I should oil the hinges,” but he hit my sweet spot as I only got half the question out and the rest turned into gasps. I rode him, licking, biting, scratching… through three orgasms. We were slick with sweat.

Just as I was about to suggest that we switch positions, he said it. I rolled off him snickering.


“I just…” I couldn’t form the words. My brain was mush. “timing, ya know?”

He slid between my legs, kissing his way up my body. I guided his long hard cock inside of me, wrapping my legs around him. He pushed deeper into me as I came over and over again, my water flowing.

And he kept going… Crumpet has quite the stamina! Whenever I felt he was about to cum, he switched up the rhythm. When he finally came, I exploded one last time. He left me panting to go clean up in the bathroom. I knew I should too, but my legs were wobbly…. I wasn’t going anywhere.

He crawled back into bed and we cuddled, twisting my body away from the puddle I’d left. As I drifted to an amazingly comfortable sleep, I sighed. What a way to get back to sex!

Monday, April 6, 2009

First Date with Crumpet

A Crumpet: a savoury/sweet bread snack
A piece of crumpet: British slang A sexually desirable woman (or, in this case, man)
"yup only in england will you find that bread product = sex" ~ Crumpet
“A tasty treat with the word ‘pet’ in it? Delicious.” ~ Ninian ;)

Thursday night I had my first date with Crumpet. It was delightful!

He remembered that I liked thai food and thoughtfully suggested we get some. The food was great and the company was lovely. The one hiccup was that conversation was sparse. While we’ve chatted up a storm online and have had some fantastic email volleys, in person, he's shy and I have a tendency to sit back and observe when I'm first getting to know someone. But it was comfortable beyond my, "oh shit, I should say something. What should I talk about?" thoughts.

Afterwards, we went back to my place. The Artist was there and watched the movie Snatch with us. After the movie, we all talked for a bit. Well, actually, he and I quietly sat close as fingers and fingernails roamed over arms and hands while we listened and responded to the Artist. At one point, I ask Crumpet if I could stroke his head. He raised an eyebrow but said, “sure.” He’s mostly bald with downy hair where he’s not. His scalp is very pleasant to rub. But it felt kind of awkward, so I didn’t do it for too long. After a bit of her talking and us not so much, the Artist decided to read up in her room.

I wouldn't say we attacked each other.... but the leaning and the touching escalated until we were kissing. He’s a lovely kisser. Gentle but firm and tantalizing. We were cuddling on the couch; he’s very cuddly and the dog was getting a wee bit jealous. As I was running my nails lightly over his skin, I discovered he was ticklish. Foolishly, he revealed that he’s deathly ticklish. (Poor boy, I do like the idea of making a potential paramour squirm.)

At some point, the Artist came downstairs to get something from the kitchen. We didn’t even pause. I could tell he enjoyed her wandering through. He’s a bit of an exhibitionist & later told me that I bring it out in him. Plus, he liked the idea of possibly embarrassing her. Cheeky Crumpet!

Before the date, I decided that we weren’t going to have sex. I hadn’t decided whether or not I was going to take him up to my room. But as much as I was enjoying groping like teenagers in heat, the sofa was becoming less and less comfortable.

I made up my mind and asked him, “would you like to come up to my room,” I put my finger to his lips, “with the caveat of no sex?” He nodded enthusiastically.

I set my alarm since he had to be at work hours before I did. Laying in my bed, we continued rubbing and touching and exploring each other. I rolled him onto his back and held him down, kissing and teasing him. It delighted me how much he liked that.

At some point, he asked if it would be okay if he removed his shirt. To which I responded, “If you remove your shirt, I’m just gonna have to remove mine.” He was okay with that. Next, his belt came off. A belt is like a bra – the belt holds up his pants, the bra holds up my boobs – so off came my bra.

He’s a nipple nibbler. Which is good, cause I like that. Two day later, my tender breasts would make me grin and flush, thinking of him. Speaking of flushing… did I mention he blushes beautifully? Yeah, I like that.

At some point, we snuggled alongside each other and fell asleep. I actually slept. And not only that, but I slept well and deep. When my alarm went off, the cuddling and kissing began all over again. I didn’t want him to leave, he didn’t want to leave… it was a very good first date.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Snow Has Melted

Spring is here and I'm dating again. I have my first date on Thursday. It's with a guy I've been chatting up for a while. I met him and his lovely wife and his kids at a poly meetup group. Yep, you read that right.... I'm going on a date with a guy who has kids. His wife's pretty damn awesome & the daughters I only met briefly, they were really sweet. He's smart, sweet, awfully cute and incredibly interesting. We'll see how things go!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Closets - a bit of a rant

I'm not a fan of closets. And no, not those little rooms where garments and other random items get stored. Though, oddly enough, the one in my bedroom is broken & not used as much of a closet.

I'm referring to the closets people put themselves in. It's not that I run about waving the freak flag (despite my tattoos often being on display) or feel that it's necessary for everyone to know all the details of my personal life, but if the subject comes up or I'm asked, I don't hide who I am. I know that not everyone is so fortunate as I am to have a job where no one's going to care that I'm a bi-poly-pagan-kinkster. Not that I go into any of that with the clientele and definitely didn't discuss it with my students when I was teaching. So, in that way, my professional life is separate from my personal life. Though I have had someone ask me about my pentagram & I explained it in very general terms. I also had a discussion about homosexuality with some students who were tossing around the word 'gay' as if it were an insult. So aspects of my personal life do come up.

While I'm open to my family, my parents (southern baptist / born again christians) have a way of not really acknowledging the things about my life they don't approve of and I'm not one to shove these things down anyone's throat. The last time I visited, my dad & I actually had a decent conversation about my Paganism. It ended with him saying he fears I'm going to hell. His intentions were well meaning. But I would hate to be in a closet concerning my personal life with anyone I live with... again.
I began my kinky exploration while living with my parents & they never knew. Much to their dismay, they found out about my sexual promiscuity since I was spending the night over at a boyfriend's house that just so happened to be two doors down from one of their fellow church goers. She felt it was her christian duty to tell my parents, even though I was an adult at the time, that she had seen my car overnight at his house. My dad lectured me on how it 'looked'. I think he was most upset because it made him look bad.
Me: How does it look?
Dad: Like you're having sex.
Me: I don't care if it looks that way.
Dad: Is that because you're having sex?
Me: Yes.
HUGE can of worms... threats of kicking me out of the house.... a 2 hour preaching at about how I'm ruining my life. Fun, fun, fun!

I was much more open about my spiritual exploration... not that my folks wanted to hear it. Throughout high school, I tried to explain my dissatisfaction with their religion & how none of my questions where being answered so I was researching many different paths of spirituality. But they just kept going back to "there is only one true way" & "you just have to have faith" mantras.

I suppose I can appreciate a well built solid closet. I just don't want to live in one or even spend a lot of time visiting one.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Musing on being Child-Free

I've been thinking a lot about my Child-Free stance in relation to dating. As I am Child-Free, is this something I should require of those I date? Or should I merely have a "no involvement with the kids" policy? As in, if someone I'm dating has kids, I make it very clear from the get-go that I will not be getting involved with the kids. I am not going to be a babysitter or 2nd mom to your kids. But I know that with most folks who live with and care for their kids that means our relationship will only be able to go so deep. The Artist argues that since one cannot control how one feels, this will most likely be a set-up for failure. But I argue that it might not matter. After all, I've not had a romantic/sexual relationship last longer than 2 years. Perhaps setting boundaries on my emotions will be a good thing.

But I know me... I like kids, we get along. There's a chance that if I hang out with the kids I will, without wanting to, become emotionally invested. So maybe, the policy should be, "no getting involved with breeders" since it's the over-population/uncontrolled breeding factor that I am philosophically against.

I was chatting/flirting with the Librarian about being child-free. The thing is, the Librarian is married with kids. The kids he acquired with the marriage. He is not a breeder. He is philosophically Child-Free and yet has kids. And not just "has kids" as unto, they exist but he's not all that involved in their lives. No. He, in fact, is a big part of their lives. He is deeply involved in raising & educating them. He's a really awesome guy & we have a lot in common, but that one thing... Maybe I should just see what happens.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Heathen Ink is having a GRAND OPENING Parrrrrrrr-Tay!!!!

Bring In Spring With A Grand Opening!
Where: HeatheN Ink
5535 S. Archer Ave.
Summit, IL 60501
When: Saturday, March 21, 6:30PM

Come one, come all to:

HeatheN Ink
Check out the new digs, peruse the inventory, enjoy tasty treats & be entertained!

I'm ever so pleased to announce that Christina King, one of Chicago's premiere belly dancers, will be performing for us!

We'll be having Tattoo Stories from
the Chicago Writers' Coven featuring:
CSE Cooney
Shomari Black
Allison Lake
Jeanine Marie Vaughn

Enter our $1 Raffle for a variety of prizes including a $40 gift certificate for tattoos/piercings at HeatheN Ink!

Later in the evening, we have our very own rattle-the-roof, knock-your-socks-off band!
Saint Aviator featuring Meg Karma

Feel free to invite your friends, family, neighbors, coworkers... just anyone who needs some
HeatheN Ink!

If you have Tattoo or Piercing Queries, e-mail Bek:
If you have any Event Questions, e-mail Jeanine:

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Interesting Horoscope...

"SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The world is once again falling deeply in love with you. Let's hope that on this occasion (unlike what happened the last two times) you will accept its adoration in the spirit in which it's given. Let's hope that if the world offers you the moon, the dawn, and the breeze, you won't reject these gifts and say that what you really wanted was a comet, the sunset, and a pie in the sky. There would be nothing sadder than to see the world suffer yet another case of unrequited love."
Rob Brezsny's Astrology - February 25, 2009

Thursday, February 19, 2009

What I want...

It's been a while since I posted and I'm having trouble sleeping, so here's a bit of the ramble from my head...

After dealing with the radioactive ooze of my last relationship*, I took some time off from dating. Or, rather, I've been taking time off. It was Fall... and then... it was Winter. I was planning to start dating again in Spring... make a fresh start of things and all that. But that was before the new job & The Artist getting her shop up and running. I might still do it, but I'm not sure. I had all these grand plans to spend lots and lots of time reassessing & reevaluating my romantic / sexual life... Figuring out patterns & habits that may or may not be unhealthy. I was going to dig deep and lay out a list of wants & requirements in what I want from or for a mate or... do I want a mate? Perhaps I want a more snack-centric romantic life. Just a few someones on the side to keep my lovelorn self in check. After all, The Artist is my primary partner and, while we are not sexually involved, she does fulfill my desire for a deep committed relationship quite nicely. Yet I have been thinking about just how lovely it would be to have a sweet sub-boy living with me (eventually, of course.... I have no desire to rush into these things) and a girlfriend who may or may not eventually live with us. The sub-boy & the girlfriend have no need to be involved with each other. In fact, after the heinous ending with the couple, I think it'll be quite a while before I'm ready to deal with anything that even hints of triad.

* excluding the relationship attempt with the Professor...
but that timing was off & my head was in a bad place.
Fortunately, we ended up friends.

And yet part of the reason I'm queer is because I don't like to judge a person by their plumbing. So could my sub-boy be a sub-girl or a transexual-sub? I think so. It is, after all, about the chemistry & the connection I have with the person. And the girlfriend could easily be a boyfriend... or maybe there won't even be a titling as such. And I don't have any desire to start two new relationships simultaneously, so which would be first? And would the "other" non-sub relationship be strictly vanilla? Can I do vanilla? It's been well over a decade since I've had a non-kink relationship. I don't think I even want something so tame. But is thinking like that limiting me?

Then there's the fact that I'm Child-Free. Is this something I should require in my partners? I tried dating someone who had a kid at one point, but there were all sorts of issues before things even got off the ground that had nothing to do with his daughter. So now I'm wondering, could I even date someone who has kids? I know for a fact that if I felt they were a bad parent, I would have to leave because I would feel the need to step in where I don't want / shouldn't be.

And what about the polyamory thing? I don't think I ever want to go back to monogamy, but am I limiting myself? I mean, there is that fact that my relationship with The Artist dictates that I have to be somewhat poly in order to date anyone. But could I date someone who's mono?

Here's a list of my dating requirements:
  • Must be honest, honorable & have a sense of humor (the 3 Hs!)
  • Must get along with The Artist
  • Must love animals (I do work at an animal shelter after all) & get along with my pets
  • Must be pagan friendly / pagan
  • Must be poly
  • Must be self-supporting
  • Must have mode of transportation (I will not be the chauffeur anymore)
  • Must have a passion of their own (i.e. writing, art, cooking, etc.)
  • Must appreciate my writing (no one's required to always like it... I sure as hell don't)
  • Must be sexually compatible
And here are my dating preferences:
  • get along with the Freak Family & my other friends/family
  • child-free
  • a die hard, knock my socks off, romantic
  • willing to eventually move in with me
  • compatible kinks
They're still tentative lists... but at least it's a beginning.

Monday, February 2, 2009

In the spirit...

...of amazing women working on big projects. It only takes a few minutes. So, if you're eligible, please take the survey. Also, please consider reposting or forwarding this message to help out The Women’s Health Access Project (WHAP).

Are you a woman living in the United States?
Are you at least 18 years old?
Would you like to help in the effort to improve health care access?

We want to hear from you!

Melissa Howell, a graduate student in the Department of Sociology at Loyola University Chicago is conducting The Women’s Health Access Project (WHAP), a survey to gather information about what you think about your health, health care access, and how you make health care decisions. The more women who participate, the more information policymakers will have, so we hope you can help!

To complete an anonymous online questionnaire and join your voice with many others, please follow this link:

Spread the word! If you would like to invite other women to participate, please forward or post this message in its entirety.

If you have any questions, please contact the researcher, Melissa Howell, at Loyola University Chicago ( or her faculty advisor, Dr. Anne Figert at or (773) 508-3431.

Thank you for your help!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

blog for choice day!

  It's blog for choice day.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the freedom of choice act passes and this issue gets settled as a private one between patient and doctor, as it should be. It's always been my belief that a child is too important a decision to ever be an accident.  Also, what happens in my lady bits is definitely not a matter of societal concern!

A Year Ago Today...

"Crumbs in my Cleavage" had her first post! And while I've struggled with keeping things going, I have not abandoned my baby blog... especially not today on her BIRTHDAY!!! Thank you, dear readers, for reading and commenting and putting up with my erratic erotic postings. (I'm working towards less erratic & more erotic.)

Your faithful scribe,

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Much to tell... But for now:


And... I go to bed.