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Thursday, February 19, 2009

What I want...

It's been a while since I posted and I'm having trouble sleeping, so here's a bit of the ramble from my head...

After dealing with the radioactive ooze of my last relationship*, I took some time off from dating. Or, rather, I've been taking time off. It was Fall... and then... it was Winter. I was planning to start dating again in Spring... make a fresh start of things and all that. But that was before the new job & The Artist getting her shop up and running. I might still do it, but I'm not sure. I had all these grand plans to spend lots and lots of time reassessing & reevaluating my romantic / sexual life... Figuring out patterns & habits that may or may not be unhealthy. I was going to dig deep and lay out a list of wants & requirements in what I want from or for a mate or... do I want a mate? Perhaps I want a more snack-centric romantic life. Just a few someones on the side to keep my lovelorn self in check. After all, The Artist is my primary partner and, while we are not sexually involved, she does fulfill my desire for a deep committed relationship quite nicely. Yet I have been thinking about just how lovely it would be to have a sweet sub-boy living with me (eventually, of course.... I have no desire to rush into these things) and a girlfriend who may or may not eventually live with us. The sub-boy & the girlfriend have no need to be involved with each other. In fact, after the heinous ending with the couple, I think it'll be quite a while before I'm ready to deal with anything that even hints of triad.

* excluding the relationship attempt with the Professor...
but that timing was off & my head was in a bad place.
Fortunately, we ended up friends.

And yet part of the reason I'm queer is because I don't like to judge a person by their plumbing. So could my sub-boy be a sub-girl or a transexual-sub? I think so. It is, after all, about the chemistry & the connection I have with the person. And the girlfriend could easily be a boyfriend... or maybe there won't even be a titling as such. And I don't have any desire to start two new relationships simultaneously, so which would be first? And would the "other" non-sub relationship be strictly vanilla? Can I do vanilla? It's been well over a decade since I've had a non-kink relationship. I don't think I even want something so tame. But is thinking like that limiting me?

Then there's the fact that I'm Child-Free. Is this something I should require in my partners? I tried dating someone who had a kid at one point, but there were all sorts of issues before things even got off the ground that had nothing to do with his daughter. So now I'm wondering, could I even date someone who has kids? I know for a fact that if I felt they were a bad parent, I would have to leave because I would feel the need to step in where I don't want / shouldn't be.

And what about the polyamory thing? I don't think I ever want to go back to monogamy, but am I limiting myself? I mean, there is that fact that my relationship with The Artist dictates that I have to be somewhat poly in order to date anyone. But could I date someone who's mono?

Here's a list of my dating requirements:
  • Must be honest, honorable & have a sense of humor (the 3 Hs!)
  • Must get along with The Artist
  • Must love animals (I do work at an animal shelter after all) & get along with my pets
  • Must be pagan friendly / pagan
  • Must be poly
  • Must be self-supporting
  • Must have mode of transportation (I will not be the chauffeur anymore)
  • Must have a passion of their own (i.e. writing, art, cooking, etc.)
  • Must appreciate my writing (no one's required to always like it... I sure as hell don't)
  • Must be sexually compatible
And here are my dating preferences:
  • get along with the Freak Family & my other friends/family
  • child-free
  • a die hard, knock my socks off, romantic
  • willing to eventually move in with me
  • compatible kinks
They're still tentative lists... but at least it's a beginning.


the Professor said...

I like it! It's a start! It's almost spring! It's time! Yippee! I promise not to try to rush out and find you subbies. I respect you too much for that. Though you know it's SOOOOO tempting for me... said...

Great List, and me being too far away to apply ;-)

with Love always,