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Friday, March 27, 2009

Closets - a bit of a rant

I'm not a fan of closets. And no, not those little rooms where garments and other random items get stored. Though, oddly enough, the one in my bedroom is broken & not used as much of a closet.

I'm referring to the closets people put themselves in. It's not that I run about waving the freak flag (despite my tattoos often being on display) or feel that it's necessary for everyone to know all the details of my personal life, but if the subject comes up or I'm asked, I don't hide who I am. I know that not everyone is so fortunate as I am to have a job where no one's going to care that I'm a bi-poly-pagan-kinkster. Not that I go into any of that with the clientele and definitely didn't discuss it with my students when I was teaching. So, in that way, my professional life is separate from my personal life. Though I have had someone ask me about my pentagram & I explained it in very general terms. I also had a discussion about homosexuality with some students who were tossing around the word 'gay' as if it were an insult. So aspects of my personal life do come up.

While I'm open to my family, my parents (southern baptist / born again christians) have a way of not really acknowledging the things about my life they don't approve of and I'm not one to shove these things down anyone's throat. The last time I visited, my dad & I actually had a decent conversation about my Paganism. It ended with him saying he fears I'm going to hell. His intentions were well meaning. But I would hate to be in a closet concerning my personal life with anyone I live with... again.
I began my kinky exploration while living with my parents & they never knew. Much to their dismay, they found out about my sexual promiscuity since I was spending the night over at a boyfriend's house that just so happened to be two doors down from one of their fellow church goers. She felt it was her christian duty to tell my parents, even though I was an adult at the time, that she had seen my car overnight at his house. My dad lectured me on how it 'looked'. I think he was most upset because it made him look bad.
Me: How does it look?
Dad: Like you're having sex.
Me: I don't care if it looks that way.
Dad: Is that because you're having sex?
Me: Yes.
HUGE can of worms... threats of kicking me out of the house.... a 2 hour preaching at about how I'm ruining my life. Fun, fun, fun!

I was much more open about my spiritual exploration... not that my folks wanted to hear it. Throughout high school, I tried to explain my dissatisfaction with their religion & how none of my questions where being answered so I was researching many different paths of spirituality. But they just kept going back to "there is only one true way" & "you just have to have faith" mantras.

I suppose I can appreciate a well built solid closet. I just don't want to live in one or even spend a lot of time visiting one.

1 comment:

Paul said...

We finally took the plunge and become poly in November of 2008. It didn't take long for us...or more accurately my wife...to start telling our friends of our decision. Granted not everyone knows, including either of our families, but then not everyone NEEDS to know.

Take work, for example. Since most of the people I work with don't know my wife's name, or how many kids I have, why should it matter that they know I have relationships with other women. It doesn't!

While our families don't know, it wouldn't be the end of the world if they did. Yup, one of these days Evelyn will talk to grandma about her mom's boyfriend, and alarm bells will ring! But grandma has already had to deal with other things - her daughter's tats, her smoking and paganism, and discovering her son-in-law posted an ad on a gay/bi personals website. Ooooh, wasn't that a fun occasion!!

My own family are too far away for me to be concerned. Should one of my relatives pay close attention to my facebook page, they could easily draw a valid conclusion!