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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Some thoughts...

A friend of mine fears that she has no standing in the BDSM community. She's had some criticism and it's made her question whether she belongs in the lifestyle. This got me to thinking and, as often happens with me, my comment on her blog got a little long so I decided it needed its own post. ;)

What anyone does in their own personal life should always be that: their OWN personal life. No one can dictate, no matter how much they think they know better than you, who you are or even what label(s) you claim. If your entire kink is to say that you're a slave without doing anything slave-like and your partner is cool with it, then so be it.

Negotiate the rules & stick to your boundaries. I'm not into any verbal humiliation, giving or receiving. However, I've known those who claim that verbal humiliation is imperative. For me to hook-up with someone like that would take quite a bit of give and take. If they want to verbally humiliate me, that's a no go but I'd be more flexible if I was doling out the verbal humiliation. It's not my kink, but it wouldn't upset me like being verbally humiliated. If you know for a fact that beatings make you angry or just plain hurt without any pleasure, then they'd be on your "do not" list. If you like bondage, cute outfits & sexually pleasuring your partner, those are on your "yes please!" list. Never fear to renegotiate. Of course, that should NEVER occur during a scene, but afterwards, when you've both cooled down, take a moment and talk things through. In fact, it’s not a bad idea to always take some time to talk between scenes. Each lover, each scene, is unique. Yes it's play, but it's also learning the other person.

All relationships thrive on good communication. Poly & kink relationships are no different. They absolutely NEED strong communication. Does that mean everyone's going to automatically agree? No. But at least you'll know where the other person(s) coming from, what they want & what they will not tolerate.

One of the reasons I don't play in public is that I have no desire to be criticized by strangers or even those I know who are not involved in the scene. I run my scenes my way and not by committee unless it’s the committee of me and my sub. (or Dom, depending on who I’m with.)

As far as living the life 24/7, I don't. While someone may come along who'll change my mind on this, it would take some convincing.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Bad Mistress...

Crumpet is a good sub... most of the time. When we were shopping, he carried all my purchases as we wandered through the store. He even stayed a few steps behind me. But when we were heading to the store he said I was a bad Mistress. Apparently when he said he didn't want to go to the store in his panties, stockings and the garter belt he just bought, he really wanted me to make him.

It's true... I have been taking things a bit slow with Crumpet since he's new to the D/s lifestyle. And okay, I'll admit it, I've also been a bit lazy with his training. When I said something about wanting a massage, he said he wasn't very good at them. Instead of just saying, "fine, whatever," I should have insisted he try and given him direction & critique or punished him for not doing what I wanted.

Part of it is that I'm enjoying just hanging out with him, getting to know him and loving him. I like the relative ease our relationship has. We even have official date nights: Wednesdays & Saturdays. This adds a certain level of commitment and allows me to schedule things better. We're getting closer, understanding each other better and the sex is amazing. I know that pushing the D/s element too far & too fast could bring on unwanted complications. I'm fine with taking things slow. But if he's feeling like I'm not doing a good job, then perhaps I should step things up a notch.

Another part is that I'm just so damn tired after work. But that's not a good excuse... not even much of a reason.

I had a sub who called me a "Sensual Mistress" and, while he meant it as a compliment, there's also a negative side to it. I am constantly thinking of what would be sensually pleasing for both myself and my sub and not thinking enough about the ways a sub could benefit my life. While it would be nice to have a sub that anticipates my needs & wants as any good sub should, I have to remember that Crumpet's still new and I have to train him. I feel that we're definitely at a place where he trusts me enough to train him to my desires as his Mistress.

So what is an appropriate punishment for a sub who tells you that you're a bad Dom? I have some ideas of what I'm going to do to him on Wednesday, but I'm definitely open to suggestions. ;)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Drumming & Dreaming

On summer solstice, Crumpet & I went to a drum circle at Pixie's lovely house. The house has high ceilings and a large living room to play in. A group of drummers gathered, bringing dishes for potluck and we drummed. There were all sorts of drums as well as other percussive instruments. The rhythms were varied and unique with starts and stops and sliding from one beat to the next. The swell of the vibrations got me all tingly. (Even though I happen to know that several in attendance were, shall we say, sensual beings, I did nothing about my rising libido since there are children in the group.)

Once Crumpet and I were back at his place and the kids were tucked away in their beds, we're quickly naked, attacking each other with mouth and hands. I mounted him and rode him to ecstasy. I cum over and over again, pulling at his nipples as if they were reigns. It's rare that I let go entirely of my concern for my lovers pleasure. But that night, it was all about me. I put his hands back onto my breasts when they dropped off, directing him to pinch, squeeze and caress as it enhanced each orgasm.

That night my dream was of a different sort of drum circle. Not all in attendance were drumming; some were the drums. Each body part made a unique sound; each beating brought on a variety of vocalizations from the human drums. Some of the drums were bound with ropes that would have to be tightened or loosened depending on the sound desired. One woman was tied up with fishing line over gauze bearing a million little bells. A man, suspended from the ceiling, had a cowbell hanging from his balls. The music we made with this human drum circle was amazingly lovely.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Sexual Fantasies

"Weird" Sex Fantasies, And Why They're Good For You

After reading this article (linked above) a friend sent me, I had to post it. It got me thinking about my own fantasies… particularly when I’m masturbating. One weird trend I've noticed with myself is that when I'm in a relationship with someone who fulfills a particular kink, i.e. dating Crumpet who's exploring his submissive side, I tend to have two main types of fantasies.

The first type involve my current lover and, often, include some of our sexual escapades. These fantasies are grounded in reality. I'm reliving things we've done, sensations I've felt... the feel of his teeth on my nipples... my straddling him... binding him... clawing him... the feel of his hips against mine as he thrusts deeper and harder inside me...

The other fantasies tend to be of an unknown person (or persons) different from the reality of my life. Sometimes it's a woman who has me bound and is punishing me. Sometimes there's a reason for the punishment, sometimes not. Sometimes I'm a willing accomplice, but often I've been forced into this slavery. Sometimes I'm still a Mistress, but my sub is a girl who likes to be tortured.

And then there are the apartment fantasies. This series of fantasies is intricate and doesn't hinge on whether or not I 'm dating someone. And it's pure fantasy; the road I can never seen myself on.
I'm a 24/7 slave to a harsh master/mistress. (The gender of my Dom tends to be fluid and sometimes a MtF pre-op trans.) We live in a really nice apartment that I keep clean. In fact, in this fantasy, I do all the domestic duties except shopping as I'm not allowed out of the apartment by myself. When I do try to venture out on my own, I discover that my Dom owns the building and everyone in it works for Her/Him and they have permission to punish me if I'm found wandering the halls or trying to leave.
Once, I made it as far as the lobby, but the doorman caught me. With the help of two burly bellboys, he ripped off my clothes, whipped me with riding crop he kept behind the desk and fucked me on the plush carpeting. When he was done, the bellboys had their way with me... both of them, with me sandwiched between them... one dick in my pussy and the other in my ass.
But most often, I'm at the apartment door, naked except for a collar, waiting for my master to come home. As soon as S/He walks through the door, I become the good servant and remove coat, hat and anything they might be holding. I take their clothes and dress them in a robe. I sit them in a chair and kneel to remove socks and shoes and massage their feet. As I finish, the back of my head is clasped (or, if I'm wearing pigtails, my hair is grabbed) and my mouth is guided to suck on a clit or an erect penis. After I bring my Dom to orgasm, S/He pulls me over their knees and spanks me until my ass is bright red. Then, grabbing me by the hair, S/He drags me through the apartment, showing me all the things I did wrong. The entire place has recording devices throughout so they knows what I've been doing all day. At one point, S/He informed me that I am on a website where there was a live stream of everything I do. There are often other punishments and eventually my Dom fucks me.
The main thing about this fantasy is that I have no control over my life... something I would not want in real life, but wow, does the idea of it ever get my juices flowing!

And now a question for you dear reader: What are some of your sexual fantasies?

Friday, June 5, 2009

Writing on writing

Sometimes, no matter how much I write, it all sucks. But fret not, loyal readers, I'm working on a juicy tale called Threesome in the Woods, and will post... hopefully soon. In the meantime, this weekend is busy with work and a party at Crumpet's house where I'm going to get to meet some of his friends. (Woo-hoo!) Then on Monday & Tuesday I'll be out of town for work. (Yeah, my days off get eaten by work... boo.)

Come Wednesday, my goal is to set up a writing/posting schedule for my blog and a writing/sending-off-to-be-published schedule.