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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Something Special....

Crumpet sent me an email:

Some poly couples like to keep something "special" aside, something they can do together. Perhaps this could be keeping their bedroom private and free from other lovers, reserving a special night for themselves, or a particular sexual activity they would only perform with each other. From the poly stand point, I never understood this exactly. Perhaps that is because Seamstress [his wife] and I already have a special connection - our kids - that will forever define our relationship with one another, and differ it from all future relationships.

But, if a married couple reserves something for themselves, are they then to reserve something else with all their other lovers? If not, then why not? Why should this relationship have something special and not the others? And if so, what happens if the husband wants to do that special thing that the wife reserved for her lover? Does she say no to her husband?

Personally, I've never been one to want to hide or keep for "only me" what I find special. I've always been more of a "Oh, how fun! Who else would like this?" kind of person. Even with friends... even with lovers. I guess that's why the poly lifestyle suits me so well. I love to share!

I do agree that if there's a dynamic where the married couple shares something special that is just for them, there should be an opportunity for the other poly relationships to have their very own "special" too. But does that mean that each relationship has to have that something special? What if it isn't important to the other relationship? And if it's the person in the married relationship that insists there must be a "special" between their mate & the mate's other partner, should they be allowed to dictate that?

I guess as far as our relationship goes, having Thai food once a month is a special thing between Crumpet & I. But I would not be upset if he were to share Thai food with someone else. I mean come on, it's yummy Thai food!
He did offer to reserve cunnilingus for just me and Seamstress. But because I adore having his face between my thighs & his tongue on my clit, I would not want to deprive another lover of his the same pleasure. That also goes for the D/s side of our relationship. As much as I love being his Mistress, I would not object to him having another D/s relationship. Of course, just as with any additional relationship, there would need to be discussion & figuring out how things work.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Two years ago today...

...I began this blog. I had something I was going to write about this and about my writing goals, but then Rob Brezsny's horoscope gave me this...

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): This would be an excellent time for you to do a lot less of everything. You're entering a phase when you can actually help your long-term goals by being less ambitious. The point is not to give up your drive to succeed, but rather just put it to sleep for a while. Let it
recharge. Allow it to draw energy from the deeper psychic sources that it tends to get cut off from when it's enmeshed in the frenzy of the daily rhythm. Do you have the courage to not work so much, not try so hard, and not push so relentlessly?

So maybe next week. ;)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Review of Kink

Saturday, the Gypsy invited Lady Hawk and myself out to see the play Kink by The Annoyance Theatre. It's been years, since the mid90s, that I've been to an Annoyance show and the last time I went, I had fun. So I thought, why not? And a show about Kink... sign me up!

An overview from The Annoyance Theatre:
"Sexual repression is alive and well in suburbia. Mom is a closet dominatrix and Dad is a closet cross-dresser. Their daughters, Julie and Tammy, are getting to that age where clothes may not be the only hang-ups in their closets. Homecoming is just around the corner - Julie's got a date and Tammy's one-woman tour-de-force is sure to a hit.
But between Mom's secret dominatrix meeting and dad's secret cross-dressing meeting, who will be there to take pictures?"

It was opening night & the house was packed. The audience was all on one level & the stage was merely a raised platform causing the sight lines to be somewhat obscured unless you were at the front or in an aisle seat... which I wasn't. But that's black box theater for ya and I'm willing to crane my neck for a good show. Unfortunately, this was not that show.

To give it props, it was a new musical written and performed by the ensemble. The performers slipped deftly in and out of each role they played, the singing was good and some of the songs were fun. There were also a few ear catching lines such as:
"This floor is naughty 'cause it's dirty!"
"This is as girly as I get, so suck my dick!"
"Make that dick a fountain, you gotta climb that BJ mountain."
"...don't be frigid, keep it rigid."
"I'm gonna get my Dominatrix on."
The one truthful moment was when Nancy and Greg (the dominatrix mother and the cross dressing father*) met for a blind rendezvous. Nancy, being new to the whole dominatrix thing, kept fumbling with the different BDSM toys that she obviously didn't know how to use and Greg kept asking if she thought he looked pretty.
But there were too many things that tarnished even that moment. The fact that Nancy didn't recognize her blindfolded husband felt false. Even when they're in women's clothes, I know my lovers. I had trouble accepting that just because Greg was a cross dresser he was into BDSM when there was no indication of that earlier in the play. The scene could possibly have been somewhat redeemed at the end, where they were yelling/singing about the dishonesty & deception, if they had just gone one step further and turned their animosity into fuel for their kinks. They didn't. Then later, there was a scene where Greg pretty much apologizes saying, "you don't need a safeword to know I love you." I didn't get why he was the only one apologizing since she deceived him too. Plus, while kink is not necessarily about love, using a safeword shows that you care enough to keep your partner safe.
*I didn't get why they didn't
have a man cast in this role.

Overall, the play lacked focus. There were many threads of plot that never seemed to come together. The teenage girls were superfluous to the theme of kink other than being uncomfortable onlookers. Neither of the girls' storylines went with the theme and Tammy, the youngest who was supposed to be 16, often spoke and acted like a toddler. The minor characters were unnecessary cardboard cutouts.
The two aerial view backdrops (one of a suburban neighborhood and the other of a football field) were busy and not connected with the action on the stage. I found them to be distracting, but symbolic of the disconnected and cluttered nature of the play.

From the standpoint of one who is in the kink lifestyle and is connected to the kink community, I found this play to be rather insolent. It was as if the most rudimentary research had been done. While I do not think anyone has to be kinky in order to write about kink, it is important to talk to at least a few people involved in the community and to do more research. For this play, it felt like they spent a couple of hours drunk on the Internet and decided to write a play.

Later, as the Gypsy, Lady Hawk & I sipped tea, ate stir-fry & discussed the play, we all agreed that The Annoyance Theatre succeeded in their mission to be annoying.

Friday, January 15, 2010

10 BDSM Questions…

I got this from Beloved's Girl. I switched things up and tweaked it a bit. (I do like to tweak!) I also reduced it to 10 questions. There are 10 more which I may or may not get to.
I would be spankingly delighted if you were to answer these questions in my comments or on your own blog then link it in the comments!

1. My role:
I am a switch. For me this means that I’m open to the dynamic that’s felt between me and another person. What gets interesting is when I feel dominant towards someone who sees themself as a Dom-dom-dom or when I feel subby towards a sub. Unless they’re willing to try the other side, I will rarely venture into a relationship with that person since there would be an urge to either top from the bottom or bottom from the top.

2. Current BDSM relationship(s):
With Crumpet, I am Mistress.
With Sir, I am little one.

3. Favorite type of play:
Hard to say as I’m happy with all kinds of play and I tend to go with whatever my partner(s?) and I are in the mood and have the time/energy for.
When there is time/energy to spare, I do love a well plotted out scene with props, costumes & a fun setting. (Hey, are my theatrical roots showing?)

4. Most hated type of play:
Electrical play

5. Deepest kink fear:
Not being attuned to my partner

6. Most memorable public experience:
I’m not into much public play as more than a voyeur, but being in a place where getting caught is a factor, does turn me on.
Under the Seats details the time the mentor and I had sex in such a place.Also, having sex or playing out in the woods while camping is quite titillating.

7. Most memorable private experience:
Too many to choose from!
So I’m gonna go with the one that first popped into my head when I read the question… One morning after Crumpet and I had been too tired to mess around before going to sleep, I woke up really horny. I rolled over, woke the naked man and, after a few licks, nibbles and kisses, had him slip on a condom then straddled him, placing his hands to fondle my breasts. I rode him until I had cum several times, kissed him and went to go shower without giving him any relief and with the instruction that he was not to cum in my bed in my absence.

8. What gets you in the mood?
Right now I’d say filling out this survey is doing a pretty damn good job of it.

9. Scariest thing you’ve seen or heard in BDSM land:
Someone changing the rules in the middle of a scene and/or ignoring a safeword.

10. Favorite method of masturbation:
I don’t believe I have one favorite… I like manual, vibrators, dildos and rubbing. I did have one vibrator which sadly broke & is no longer made, that gave me the best masturbatory orgasms. It was called the fairy wand. (I don’t think that was the official name, but it looked like a glass dildo, had a fairy girl as the handle and a vibrator inside.)
The most often used method involves me rubbing my clit with a dildo or even a pillow positioned just so as I massage my nipples with lotion then pinch and pull them until I cum.

Monday, January 11, 2010


For several years, the relationship dynamic between Sir & I has had a bit more than a tinge of service to it. She is a dominant woman and my switch flips subby for her. But since she's not into girls, we've never taken it there. We discussed it, and while we were both intrigued by the idea, she felt that it would be unfair to me and we shared the fear that it might hurt our friendship if it didn't work out. She also worried that I would become resentful. I knew I wouldn't since one of my kinks is denial & I know that Sir is more than a bit of a voyeur. If Sir were to get me all worked up, she could order me to fulfill my sexual desires with a lover. But for a long time, I had no lover or I had lovers who Sir did not fully approve of or trust. So we left the discussion to idle musings of "what if" and took it no further. I let Sir know that the decision was up to her and that if she were to change her mind, I'd be up for at least trying a BDSM / service relationship.

About a week ago, Sir brought it up again. At first I was baffled... pleased as a pinched nipple at the idea that she was actually considering it, but not quite understanding where the change had come from. I let her know again that YES, I am most definitely interested! We began the discussion of what all it would mean for us and for our relationship, and came up with titles. I will call her Sir and she calls me little one. It makes me giggle and blush and gives her a tingly surge.
There are some definite advantages to the arrangement.

For me: I tend to be rather unfocused. Just looking over my winding life path & it's easy to see how I often get distracted. Looking back at the jobs I've had: marketing assistant, dental receptionist, techie, wardrobe assistant, sound/light board operator, stage manager, server, barista, special orders clerk, trainer, stage director, set/wardrobe designer, assistant playwright, bookstore manager, teacher, event coordinator & animal care/counselor. My writing has been a through line in my life & work, but I've rarely gotten paid for it. I'm really good at getting things done & arranged when I'm accountable to others (part of the reason I began this blog almost 2 years ago) but am less focused when I'm doing things for myself. Sir will help me focus & prioritize things in my life. She will also hold my feet to the fire (or a whip to my backside) about getting my work published as it will be beneficial for us both in the long run.

For her: Sir likes to be in control & have things run her way. She's not a tyrant, but she is particular. I'm good at helping her get things done the way she wants and pointing out other ways things can be done in a more efficient manner without undermining her authority. (We've worked together before & found this to be true.) Sir is very focused and goal oriented. She likes to help others in that respect as well. But she sometimes overlooks the little things. Something I learned as a Stage Manager, was to anticipate the needs of the director & designers and to take care of the minute details they may not see because they are too focused on the bigger picture. I'm good at that & I enjoy doing it. She's also a bit of a sadist... which works well for me.

But what changed?
Sir likes Crumpet & even trust him to an extent. Plus, on a whim, I had Crumpet instructed to obey whatever Sir told him to do as if it were me. He does so happily & it pleases Sir. Sir knows if she were to get me all heated up, she could rely on Crumpet to cool me down.

It will be an interesting experiment.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Kink Resolutions

I rarely play the New Year Resolution game, but lately I've been feeling a need for a new start in several areas of my life, especially where my writing is concerned, so this year I'm going to play. Here are my 3 Kink Resolutions for 2010!!

1. Post to this blog at least twice a week!

2. Send out at least 1 piece of erotica for publication EVERY week.

3. Fix up the dungeon so that it can be used by Feb/March. (I am working towards having an entirely vegan dungeon, so this is a requirement for all the material I use.)

Have a Kinky New Year!!!