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Monday, January 11, 2010


For several years, the relationship dynamic between Sir & I has had a bit more than a tinge of service to it. She is a dominant woman and my switch flips subby for her. But since she's not into girls, we've never taken it there. We discussed it, and while we were both intrigued by the idea, she felt that it would be unfair to me and we shared the fear that it might hurt our friendship if it didn't work out. She also worried that I would become resentful. I knew I wouldn't since one of my kinks is denial & I know that Sir is more than a bit of a voyeur. If Sir were to get me all worked up, she could order me to fulfill my sexual desires with a lover. But for a long time, I had no lover or I had lovers who Sir did not fully approve of or trust. So we left the discussion to idle musings of "what if" and took it no further. I let Sir know that the decision was up to her and that if she were to change her mind, I'd be up for at least trying a BDSM / service relationship.

About a week ago, Sir brought it up again. At first I was baffled... pleased as a pinched nipple at the idea that she was actually considering it, but not quite understanding where the change had come from. I let her know again that YES, I am most definitely interested! We began the discussion of what all it would mean for us and for our relationship, and came up with titles. I will call her Sir and she calls me little one. It makes me giggle and blush and gives her a tingly surge.
There are some definite advantages to the arrangement.

For me: I tend to be rather unfocused. Just looking over my winding life path & it's easy to see how I often get distracted. Looking back at the jobs I've had: marketing assistant, dental receptionist, techie, wardrobe assistant, sound/light board operator, stage manager, server, barista, special orders clerk, trainer, stage director, set/wardrobe designer, assistant playwright, bookstore manager, teacher, event coordinator & animal care/counselor. My writing has been a through line in my life & work, but I've rarely gotten paid for it. I'm really good at getting things done & arranged when I'm accountable to others (part of the reason I began this blog almost 2 years ago) but am less focused when I'm doing things for myself. Sir will help me focus & prioritize things in my life. She will also hold my feet to the fire (or a whip to my backside) about getting my work published as it will be beneficial for us both in the long run.

For her: Sir likes to be in control & have things run her way. She's not a tyrant, but she is particular. I'm good at helping her get things done the way she wants and pointing out other ways things can be done in a more efficient manner without undermining her authority. (We've worked together before & found this to be true.) Sir is very focused and goal oriented. She likes to help others in that respect as well. But she sometimes overlooks the little things. Something I learned as a Stage Manager, was to anticipate the needs of the director & designers and to take care of the minute details they may not see because they are too focused on the bigger picture. I'm good at that & I enjoy doing it. She's also a bit of a sadist... which works well for me.

But what changed?
Sir likes Crumpet & even trust him to an extent. Plus, on a whim, I had Crumpet instructed to obey whatever Sir told him to do as if it were me. He does so happily & it pleases Sir. Sir knows if she were to get me all heated up, she could rely on Crumpet to cool me down.

It will be an interesting experiment.

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