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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Something Special....

Crumpet sent me an email:

Some poly couples like to keep something "special" aside, something they can do together. Perhaps this could be keeping their bedroom private and free from other lovers, reserving a special night for themselves, or a particular sexual activity they would only perform with each other. From the poly stand point, I never understood this exactly. Perhaps that is because Seamstress [his wife] and I already have a special connection - our kids - that will forever define our relationship with one another, and differ it from all future relationships.

But, if a married couple reserves something for themselves, are they then to reserve something else with all their other lovers? If not, then why not? Why should this relationship have something special and not the others? And if so, what happens if the husband wants to do that special thing that the wife reserved for her lover? Does she say no to her husband?


Personally, I've never been one to want to hide or keep for "only me" what I find special. I've always been more of a "Oh, how fun! Who else would like this?" kind of person. Even with friends... even with lovers. I guess that's why the poly lifestyle suits me so well. I love to share!

I do agree that if there's a dynamic where the married couple shares something special that is just for them, there should be an opportunity for the other poly relationships to have their very own "special" too. But does that mean that each relationship has to have that something special? What if it isn't important to the other relationship? And if it's the person in the married relationship that insists there must be a "special" between their mate & the mate's other partner, should they be allowed to dictate that?

I guess as far as our relationship goes, having Thai food once a month is a special thing between Crumpet & I. But I would not be upset if he were to share Thai food with someone else. I mean come on, it's yummy Thai food!
He did offer to reserve cunnilingus for just me and Seamstress. But because I adore having his face between my thighs & his tongue on my clit, I would not want to deprive another lover of his the same pleasure. That also goes for the D/s side of our relationship. As much as I love being his Mistress, I would not object to him having another D/s relationship. Of course, just as with any additional relationship, there would need to be discussion & figuring out how things work.

2 comments:

Crumpet said...

When I talk about special, I also mean exclusive. It's my personal belief that when you keep something exclusive for one lover, it is a sign of insecurity, or control. That deep down you fear the other relationships, that you see your significant other's lovers as competitors for his/her attention and love. If you both agree on keeping some exclusive, them you have won a small victory over the other lovers...and that makes you feel that more special, more important.

Both you and the Seamstress are special to me, just in different ways.

The idea of keeping something exclusive however, as part of a D/s relationship, was something I was pondering upon. What if I wanted to dress up as a maid for someone else, and clean for them, would Mistress see that as a betrayal? Did Mistress like the idea of keeping something for her, and for Seamstress too, and would I be willing to do that?

Ninian said...

I totally got the "special" meaning exclusive, though it's good to clarify. Honestly, if you wanted to be a maid for someone else, I would have no problem with that. In fact, it could be fun to contract you out! (Taking into consideration if it were a kinky arrangement or not.) I could send you with a list of acceptable punishments, what standards I hold you to, what you're allowed/required to wear while cleaning etc., etc., etc.

*evil grin & rubbing of hands*