Crumpet sent me an email:
Some poly couples like to keep something "special" aside, something they can do together. Perhaps this could be keeping their bedroom private and free from other lovers, reserving a special night for themselves, or a particular sexual activity they would only perform with each other. From the poly stand point, I never understood this exactly. Perhaps that is because Seamstress [his wife] and I already have a special connection - our kids - that will forever define our relationship with one another, and differ it from all future relationships.
But, if a married couple reserves something for themselves, are they then to reserve something else with all their other lovers? If not, then why not? Why should this relationship have something special and not the others? And if so, what happens if the husband wants to do that special thing that the wife reserved for her lover? Does she say no to her husband?
Personally, I've never been one to want to hide or keep for "only me" what I find special. I've always been more of a "Oh, how fun! Who else would like this?" kind of person. Even with friends... even with lovers. I guess that's why the poly lifestyle suits me so well. I love to share!
I do agree that if there's a dynamic where the married couple shares something special that is just for them, there should be an opportunity for the other poly relationships to have their very own "special" too. But does that mean that each relationship has to have that something special? What if it isn't important to the other relationship? And if it's the person in the married relationship that insists there must be a "special" between their mate & the mate's other partner, should they be allowed to dictate that?
I guess as far as our relationship goes, having Thai food once a month is a special thing between Crumpet & I. But I would not be upset if he were to share Thai food with someone else. I mean come on, it's yummy Thai food!
He did offer to reserve cunnilingus for just me and Seamstress. But because I adore having his face between my thighs & his tongue on my clit, I would not want to deprive another lover of his the same pleasure. That also goes for the D/s side of our relationship. As much as I love being his Mistress, I would not object to him having another D/s relationship. Of course, just as with any additional relationship, there would need to be discussion & figuring out how things work.
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