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Thursday, December 1, 2011

Sexy Birthday Part 1: Kittenfae!

Let me gooze on a bit about Kittenfae... 
Kittenfae is a sweet, sexy minx that I met at Lothlorian many years ago. I've always thought she was cute, but over the years I developed quite the crush on her. She's a bellydancer and an artist and crafty and an animal lover. She has eyes the color of mermaid oceans, a smile that looks like a giggle and the most infectious laugh ever. She's one of the most adorable people I've ever met! I only saw her at festivals, but the attraction was there and the flirting kept getting stronger. Randomly, when sitting around the fire, she sat in my lap. (She has the best muffins!) One drunken night, we kissed. It was delicious! But it was just a kiss and a grope then Kittenfae scampered away.

She was in the area for a bellydancing thing. It was good to see her. Even though we went swimming and flirted like mad, nothing happened... again. Then on Fetlife, we started flirting more and I confessed that I had the hots for her. I'm still not sure if she was teasing, since I thought I was ridiculously obvious, but she said she didn't know and confessed her attraction for me. Yet there was still the distance. I figured if anything was going to happen, it would be at festival.


But I was plotted against... or rather, for. For my birthday, Ripedoll and Starhealer hatched a plan. They would bring me Kittenfae as a present! They even put a bow on her.

The night of my party, I got really, really drunk. There was quite a bit of making out, but I wasn't going to bail on my friends. And Kittenfae, being the awesome person she is, wanted to stay with the party too. Having worked that day before the party, I was getting pretty tired and, at one point, Kittenfae and I fell asleep cuddled together on the Chaise.
Later I was told that when I woke up, I decided to go to bed and invited Kittenfae to join me. Then I loudly announced, "We're going to bed to sleep right now. But tomorrow we're going to wake up and have sex!" And Kittenfae giggled.

And that's just what we did. The morning sex was awesome! But before that, we slept pressed close together. I found that I adore swaddling her body with my own. She smells like rain must when it rests in the clouds and her hair is tuggably soft. I often don't sleep well with someone else in bed with me. But that night, it felt so comfortable.

In the morning I woke first and started stroking her skin. She made soft little moaning noises as she woke. Nemi, one of my cats, jumped on the bed demanding pets. We both giggled, petted the kitty, then got back to the slow touching exploration of each other's bodies. I found her ticklish in lots of places and she found my tickle spots too. Then clothes came off and I kiss/nibbled my way down her body. I wanted to bite her, hard. But we hadn't discussed marks so I asked if they were okay. She shrugged. So I only left a few little bites and sucks. Two bite marks were on the cleavagey swell of her pert breasts. I worked my way down her body as she giggled them moaned until I was between her legs. Her juices tasted of of a fruit I have never known but always craved. I kept touching her with my hands, squeezing a nipple, clawing at delicate flesh, as I licked and sucked her. I slid one, then two fingers inside her. She moaned and thrashed then asked for a towel. I pulled the comforter under her then went right back to making her scream and ungulate her body until she came.

We talked then she began kissing and sucking on me. Once she had her face between my thighs, she purred me to orgasm. Such a good kitten!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

BDSM Quiz Results

From the Quiz: Do you have an inclination for BDSM?

You Scored as Switch
(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.

Switch

96%
Sadist

82%
Experimental

82%
Masochist

71%
Dominant

71%
Bondage

68%
Submissive

61%
Degradation Lover

54%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur

46%
Vanilla

18%

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Recycling may be good for the earth, but it's bad for my love life

So Carrot & I had a long relationship talk on Tuesday in which he said that even though he's unsure of things, he wants to try dating in a more serious capacity and see where things take us. You know, that whole boyfriend / girlfriend thing. Our first date as a couple was supposed to be last night... he was even going to spend the night so we'd get some extra time together.  (I'm sure you noted the "supposed to" and "was even going to"...)

A bit before 1:30, I get this text, "Question for you... Would you be terribly disappointed if I canceled tonight?"
To which I responded, "Yep." And asked him why. He explained that his roommate / good friend just broke up with her boyfriend because she caught him cheating on her and Carrot felt that she needed a friend there and that he was that friend. I explained that I had turned down work and rearranged things in order to be with him. (As a dogwalker / pet sitter, I don't get regular time off. So if I make time for you it's a big deal.) I understand being there for a friend, but this was our first date as a couple... kind of important. He proposed a compromise of comforting her for a while then coming to me later. After a bit of back and forth, we worked it out.


But then... At 9:55 I get this text: "In so fucking hammered right omw in not going any where in so so so fucking sorry." I respond with a delicately phrased, "Fuck you". He sends back, "Well all right then" and I text, "You are completely disrespectful of my time and me as a person." To which he responds, "Well fuck me then"
And, since I was so upset, I got drunk too. My drunken text to him was, "You know what I don't do, I don't make plans with someone I care about then GET FUCKING DRUNK and blow her off." (Which, looking at it sober, I'm glad I sent it.)
It's not him comforting his friend that I have a problem with... it's not even him canceling... it's that he knew he was coming to see me and he chose to get drunk instead. I rank below alcohol... my time is worth less than getting drunk.

What I don't get is why we had that talk? Why did he waste my time and say things like he was going to prioritize me and that he wanted to be with me? I just don't get it. I probably never will.

And no... He hasn't even tried to contact me.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Dirty Carrot

I've recently started seeing an ex, I'll call him Dirty Carrot, from a dozen years ago. We'd ended on amicable terms and, even though we've drifted in and out of contact throughout the years, I've always had a special place in my heart for him... I always will.

But 12 years is a long time. Combine that with the fact that when we dated before, he was 18. He has grown into a man who, at his core is still who he was but is now more mature... more self confident... more everything. And different. He's changed... and so have I.

The situation still makes my head spin. I wasn't expecting it. My sister, who introduced us to each other lo these many years ago, was in town visiting. While she was here, they hung out, caught up on each other's lives, and he said he would like to get back in touch with me.

So we did. But I was under the impression that it was a, 'let's get together and try being friends again' type deal. After we broke up, we stayed friends for about a year... longer than we dated. And maybe, that's what he was thinking too. After all, I was very up front (as I am) and told him I was poly and got the distinct impression that he wasn't the least bit interested. He said he doesn't share well and that while he's glad it works for me, he didn't think it was something he could do. He even had a girlfriend who tried to push a poly-like situation on him in the worst possible way. She did this whole after the fact being honest thing.

Her: Oh, I went out with this guy...
Him: As long as you don't kiss him.
Her: Oh, I kissed him...
Him: As long as you don't sleep with him.
Her: Oh, I had sex with him...
At that point, he broke up with her.

But that's not poly... that's cheating. I believe that one of the most important aspects of poly, along with honesty, is negotiating the boundaries... beforehand. That's why the beginnings of any poly relationship are so much stickier than others. There's just so much to negotiate! That whole communicate, communicate, communicate mantra.

Back to Dirty Carrot.... We went to dinner. He caught me up on his life, I caught him up on mine... well, as much as one can over a meal. Then we went back to my place to chat some more.

All this time, my feelings for this man were bubbling just beneath the surface. The chemistry I have with him is ridiculous! I mean, he's physically adorable, really smart, his wit slays me, he's
sexy, and I feel so comfortable around him. The attraction I have for this guy is like nothing I've had with anyone else... except his younger self. But I wasn't going there... Mostly because I didn't think he wanted to go THERE.

At home, Sir Artist and our wonderful new housemate, Powers, were in the living room talking with us. They were on the futon while Dirty Carrot & I were sharing the Chaise. (The Chaise we have is kind of like an over stuffed and extra large sofa chair with an ottoman built in.) I was sitting back & he was on the ottoman part leaning against the wall. Powers had just had an amazing first date so he was all starry eyed and was telling us all about it. Then Dirty Carrot had a leg cramp. I moved so he could lean back on the chaise. As I sat forward, he pulled me back saying, "sit with me."

So now I'm tortured... there's no way to share this chair without touching, so we are and he's warm and my libido is raging and he feels so good and I want to sink into him but I can't because it's just a friend thing, right?
Yet his hand brushes my thigh... once, twice, three times... and he's caressing my arm with his other hand and... people don't disappear... I know my roommates are there, but I've lost all awareness of them. I'm tingling all over and flushed and can think of nothing more than, "oh gods! I want to kiss him!" And he kisses me.
Not a peck... not just a brush of lips... no, a full on tongue and saliva melt me into the furniture kiss. And fondling and touching me there and there and...
oh my sacred orgasm!... there, oh wow, there...
I'm beyond any rational thought, but clothes miraculously stay on and he did eventually go home... with promises of more to come.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

How Important Is Sex?

I'm going through a bit of a celibate phase right now. It might be psychological, but that doesn't change the fact that I have no desire for sex. (I even get bored if I try to masturbate!) Now the weird thing is, I still find certain people and situations very sexy, I just don't want to have sex. I even feel sensual and cuddly and still LOVE kissing and touching and fondling... but as soon as things start heading towards... that... well, I just lose interest.

My question to you, dear readers, is:

Is it fair to the other party for someone who's not interested in having sex to have romantic entanglements?

(Assume that everything is open and honest.)

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

So Meta!

An ex of mine decided to go through the archives of this blog and use what I'd written in my nonfiction posts as a springboard for accusations about me being disingenuous. My actions with her apparently didn't match what I'd written therefore I misrepresented myself. The majority of the examples given were from posts written 2-3 yeas ago. Now I'm not saying that this blog won't give some insight into my psyche or my sexual persona, but it is not a road map nor a recipe nor a secret code for getting to know how to deal with me.

I do not use my blog to tell anyone how they should act. I might, on occasion, muse over how certain behaviors will cause different responses in me, but it's not in an effort to change others. If someone reads something and it makes them reevaluate why they do certain things in a certain way or whatever, that's cool. But that's not my intent. This blog is very egocentric. It's focus is on me and my feelings and responses to things.

Some of what I do use this blog for is to sort through what's going on in my life. (Or, at times, what has already happened.) My emotions tend to be oceanic; ever changing with the sky and the things that pass through them. That's particularly true for the emotions that are closest to the surface and the shore. That's why I try my best not to base important decisions solely on what I'm feeling at the moment. Just like the ocean, my deeper emotions are steady. They may feel a ripple or two when there's turmoil on the surface, but that does not change the waters deep. Those emotions take time to flow from the surface to the depths and not all feelings make it.

In some of my posts, I'm exploring something new for me. I use the blog as a kind of diary to record things and how I feel about them so I can go back later and see if I feel the same way or if anything has changed.

I also use my blog for tasting new ideas and concepts in the open air. I'm hoping for comments or private responses to see what others think/feel so I can weigh it against my own thoughts and feelings then, possibly, explore again.

Does this mean I lie in my blog? I don't believe so. But the entries that are not fiction may hold only a portion of the story.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Musing on Orgasms

A friend of mine of Facebook posted this link:


This combined with some quality time I spent with myself yesterday got me thinking about orgasms. In some ways, I'm a total guy when it comes to orgasms. I cum easily. But as a woman, I can cum several times in one encounter. And yes, this combination is just as AWESOME as it sounds! At least it is when I'm masturbating.

When I have a partner, it can be very different.

Crumpet takes a while. The man has stamina! But sometimes that stamina can lead to me wondering what I should do differently so we don't reach the, "you know what, I'm really tired..." point. (And it's not just me who gets tired! He does too!) But the other things we do are woohoo, mrower!!

Raspberry and I are still figuring each other out. She says she takes a while to get there. But sometimes the most fun is in the journey!!

The fact that I can cum easily can be exciting, intimidating, fun or exacerbating depending on the lover.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Without even trying...

The other evening, I was out with the Artist, Raspberry and Crumpet. We were at Rock Bottom getting drinks (I was having water 'cause I'm just that hardcore) and munchies. When Crumpet and I arrived, the Artist & Raspberry were already there. They had drinks and Raspberry was chatting excitedly. (She's so adorable when she's tipsy!) The atmosphere was quite festive when the server came over to take our orders.


Server: Is there anything I can get you? Some drinks? Appetizers? Just say what you want and it's yours! It's like magic... you say it and POOF it appears! Well, not quite appears... more like you say it, I go get it and bring it to you. You know, magic!


Me: Or like you're a slave a boy. I say what I want, you make it happen.


Server: N-n-no... magic. It's like magic.


With that one line, I apparently offended this smooth talkin' scrawny white guy 'cause he stopped talking to me, looking at me or even refilling (until I insisted) my water. I have such a way with people!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Emotional Privacy

"I just have a lot of feelings!"

I'm a very passionate person. But just because I feel something deeply and intensely, doesn't mean anyone necessarily knows what those feelings are. (Sometimes I don't even know!!) I don't always share my feelings. It's not that I can't, it's just that I like to take time with them... live with them... really get to know if they're feelings that are here for the long haul or if they're just overnight visitors.

When I was younger, my emotions ran my life. While I do not regret my past, for who I am today is built on who I was yesterday, I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had stopped and thought before diving in. (It's amazing I never busted my head open! Though metaphorically I kinda did a few times...) But I did learn from this. I learned to step back from my feelings, to give them space and room to breath. I also learned that sometimes I feel things that aren't really there. For example, first thing in the morning when I'm not awake, my big gray cat will decided to be incredibly affectionate. I will feel a GREAT HATE for my cat at that moment because he woke me up and try to push him off the bed. But once I wake a bit, I hear his purrs and cuddle with him and feel a GREAT LOVE towards him. Extremely opposite feelings within moments of each other. He never questions this, he just comes back and purrs and kneads... makin' biscuits!



A bit of context: The Artist has recently started dating Cake, Raspberry's husband. (Raspberry and I have started dating again which is going well. More on that later!) She wrote in her blog about how she plans to have a meeting with them. I was a wee bit hurt that I was not included since I am part of this whole poly... squared... squad... thing. So, me being me, I asked her about it. Since I had to cancel our date Saturday due to illness and utter exhaustion, she explained that she had planned to talk to me on our date about what she plans to talk with them about at the meeting. She didn't mean to leave me out and invited me along. (I kinda felt like I invited myself... I hate when I get pushy.) So I asked her what the "meeting" would be about. (This, by the way, was all via text.) She typed, "I thought it would be a good idea for us to get together and put how we are all feeling about each other and everything on the table." I had no idea how to respond to this. I'd already gone and invited myself along. While having the same conversation one on one makes me squirm, at the idea of all of us having this conversation together makes my throat dry and my stomach churn.

To be clear, I'm not opposed to discussing feelings, I just think it's better to let it come about naturally and to allow others their emotional privacy. If I need to share something, I will. If you want to ask, then ask. Just be aware that the answer might be ambiguous as I'm still living with my feelings and making sure they're real. I also don't feel that I need to know the Artist's feelings about Cake or his feelings towards her unless they choose to tell me. And on a friendship level, the feelings between Raspberry and the Artisit are between them. I don't include feelings between Cake and I because we've spent so little time together... none alone. He seems like a great guy; I just don't know him that well. Perhaps that's why she didn't include me in the mod-pod-squad thing. Does it sound like I'm freaking out? Yeah... I kinda am. I fear my emotional privacy is in jeopardy before I know what my feelings really are. Am I possibly making too much out of this? Very possibly... but this is how me being open with my feelings goes.


Wow, is it messy.