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Wednesday, June 8, 2011

So Meta!

An ex of mine decided to go through the archives of this blog and use what I'd written in my nonfiction posts as a springboard for accusations about me being disingenuous. My actions with her apparently didn't match what I'd written therefore I misrepresented myself. The majority of the examples given were from posts written 2-3 yeas ago. Now I'm not saying that this blog won't give some insight into my psyche or my sexual persona, but it is not a road map nor a recipe nor a secret code for getting to know how to deal with me.

I do not use my blog to tell anyone how they should act. I might, on occasion, muse over how certain behaviors will cause different responses in me, but it's not in an effort to change others. If someone reads something and it makes them reevaluate why they do certain things in a certain way or whatever, that's cool. But that's not my intent. This blog is very egocentric. It's focus is on me and my feelings and responses to things.

Some of what I do use this blog for is to sort through what's going on in my life. (Or, at times, what has already happened.) My emotions tend to be oceanic; ever changing with the sky and the things that pass through them. That's particularly true for the emotions that are closest to the surface and the shore. That's why I try my best not to base important decisions solely on what I'm feeling at the moment. Just like the ocean, my deeper emotions are steady. They may feel a ripple or two when there's turmoil on the surface, but that does not change the waters deep. Those emotions take time to flow from the surface to the depths and not all feelings make it.

In some of my posts, I'm exploring something new for me. I use the blog as a kind of diary to record things and how I feel about them so I can go back later and see if I feel the same way or if anything has changed.

I also use my blog for tasting new ideas and concepts in the open air. I'm hoping for comments or private responses to see what others think/feel so I can weigh it against my own thoughts and feelings then, possibly, explore again.

Does this mean I lie in my blog? I don't believe so. But the entries that are not fiction may hold only a portion of the story.