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Thursday, October 27, 2011

BDSM Quiz Results

From the Quiz: Do you have an inclination for BDSM?

You Scored as Switch
(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.

Switch

96%
Sadist

82%
Experimental

82%
Masochist

71%
Dominant

71%
Bondage

68%
Submissive

61%
Degradation Lover

54%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur

46%
Vanilla

18%

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Recycling may be good for the earth, but it's bad for my love life

So Carrot & I had a long relationship talk on Tuesday in which he said that even though he's unsure of things, he wants to try dating in a more serious capacity and see where things take us. You know, that whole boyfriend / girlfriend thing. Our first date as a couple was supposed to be last night... he was even going to spend the night so we'd get some extra time together.  (I'm sure you noted the "supposed to" and "was even going to"...)

A bit before 1:30, I get this text, "Question for you... Would you be terribly disappointed if I canceled tonight?"
To which I responded, "Yep." And asked him why. He explained that his roommate / good friend just broke up with her boyfriend because she caught him cheating on her and Carrot felt that she needed a friend there and that he was that friend. I explained that I had turned down work and rearranged things in order to be with him. (As a dogwalker / pet sitter, I don't get regular time off. So if I make time for you it's a big deal.) I understand being there for a friend, but this was our first date as a couple... kind of important. He proposed a compromise of comforting her for a while then coming to me later. After a bit of back and forth, we worked it out.


But then... At 9:55 I get this text: "In so fucking hammered right omw in not going any where in so so so fucking sorry." I respond with a delicately phrased, "Fuck you". He sends back, "Well all right then" and I text, "You are completely disrespectful of my time and me as a person." To which he responds, "Well fuck me then"
And, since I was so upset, I got drunk too. My drunken text to him was, "You know what I don't do, I don't make plans with someone I care about then GET FUCKING DRUNK and blow her off." (Which, looking at it sober, I'm glad I sent it.)
It's not him comforting his friend that I have a problem with... it's not even him canceling... it's that he knew he was coming to see me and he chose to get drunk instead. I rank below alcohol... my time is worth less than getting drunk.

What I don't get is why we had that talk? Why did he waste my time and say things like he was going to prioritize me and that he wanted to be with me? I just don't get it. I probably never will.

And no... He hasn't even tried to contact me.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Dirty Carrot

I've recently started seeing an ex, I'll call him Dirty Carrot, from a dozen years ago. We'd ended on amicable terms and, even though we've drifted in and out of contact throughout the years, I've always had a special place in my heart for him... I always will.

But 12 years is a long time. Combine that with the fact that when we dated before, he was 18. He has grown into a man who, at his core is still who he was but is now more mature... more self confident... more everything. And different. He's changed... and so have I.

The situation still makes my head spin. I wasn't expecting it. My sister, who introduced us to each other lo these many years ago, was in town visiting. While she was here, they hung out, caught up on each other's lives, and he said he would like to get back in touch with me.

So we did. But I was under the impression that it was a, 'let's get together and try being friends again' type deal. After we broke up, we stayed friends for about a year... longer than we dated. And maybe, that's what he was thinking too. After all, I was very up front (as I am) and told him I was poly and got the distinct impression that he wasn't the least bit interested. He said he doesn't share well and that while he's glad it works for me, he didn't think it was something he could do. He even had a girlfriend who tried to push a poly-like situation on him in the worst possible way. She did this whole after the fact being honest thing.

Her: Oh, I went out with this guy...
Him: As long as you don't kiss him.
Her: Oh, I kissed him...
Him: As long as you don't sleep with him.
Her: Oh, I had sex with him...
At that point, he broke up with her.

But that's not poly... that's cheating. I believe that one of the most important aspects of poly, along with honesty, is negotiating the boundaries... beforehand. That's why the beginnings of any poly relationship are so much stickier than others. There's just so much to negotiate! That whole communicate, communicate, communicate mantra.

Back to Dirty Carrot.... We went to dinner. He caught me up on his life, I caught him up on mine... well, as much as one can over a meal. Then we went back to my place to chat some more.

All this time, my feelings for this man were bubbling just beneath the surface. The chemistry I have with him is ridiculous! I mean, he's physically adorable, really smart, his wit slays me, he's
sexy, and I feel so comfortable around him. The attraction I have for this guy is like nothing I've had with anyone else... except his younger self. But I wasn't going there... Mostly because I didn't think he wanted to go THERE.

At home, Sir Artist and our wonderful new housemate, Powers, were in the living room talking with us. They were on the futon while Dirty Carrot & I were sharing the Chaise. (The Chaise we have is kind of like an over stuffed and extra large sofa chair with an ottoman built in.) I was sitting back & he was on the ottoman part leaning against the wall. Powers had just had an amazing first date so he was all starry eyed and was telling us all about it. Then Dirty Carrot had a leg cramp. I moved so he could lean back on the chaise. As I sat forward, he pulled me back saying, "sit with me."

So now I'm tortured... there's no way to share this chair without touching, so we are and he's warm and my libido is raging and he feels so good and I want to sink into him but I can't because it's just a friend thing, right?
Yet his hand brushes my thigh... once, twice, three times... and he's caressing my arm with his other hand and... people don't disappear... I know my roommates are there, but I've lost all awareness of them. I'm tingling all over and flushed and can think of nothing more than, "oh gods! I want to kiss him!" And he kisses me.
Not a peck... not just a brush of lips... no, a full on tongue and saliva melt me into the furniture kiss. And fondling and touching me there and there and...
oh my sacred orgasm!... there, oh wow, there...
I'm beyond any rational thought, but clothes miraculously stay on and he did eventually go home... with promises of more to come.